Anything for Glee Club
by chichitehahh
Summary: With Glee Club falling apart, Rachel can only think of one person to come to their rescue. But the once blonde cheerleader was now a self-claimed punk with pink hair and a bad attitude. Either way, Rachel tries and tries again to get the new Quinn Fabray to join Glee Club, but is she willing to accept to Quinn's terms just to keep the club together? Well...Anything for Glee Club.
1. I Knew You Once

It was crazy; she'd already sworn she wasn't coming back. She didn't want to come back, she had new friends, and she had an entirely new life. She dyed her hair, started smoking, she was hardly recognizable if I really thought about it.

But I missed her. I miss her voice, I miss her eyes, I missed how her mere presence seemed to complete the room. I just missed _her_. I know it doesn't make sense, she's tormented me almost my whole life but still, there was something about her I just _missed_.

So here I was, walking through the crowds of McKinley, hugging my books to my chest like a shield. I wasn't sure I'd be able to face Quinn if I had colored slosh all over my clothes.

It was bright out, the sun shined as brightly as ever, but it was just barely keeping me warm enough to stand the weather in my skirt. Goose bumps were even covering my arms as a breeze flew past me. I was almost there though, I was almost to the point of completely humiliating myself. I hadn't anything planned, there was no long diatribe I had wanted to say, truth be told I just wanted to see her. I just wanted to look at her again.

I really did miss her eyes.

I looked to the bleachers, seeing shadows move under them. The skanks. Her new friends. But let's be honest, they were hardly friends to her. At least I doubted they were, they didn't seem like they would unquestionably stand up for her, but I would. All of glee would.

"Quinn," I say almost quietly. It was like the first time I had come to try and convince her to join again. The scene before me was almost exactly the same. Quinn sat, smoking her cigarette, eyes staring off into nothing until she hears my voice. Suddenly they focus again, and I watch her lips curl into a small smile.

"Rachel," She calls, mocking my meek voice. I can't help it; I look down to the ground. Her group of "friends" stood behind her, eyeing me like vultures. God, they were frightening.

"Can we talk?" She eyes me slowly, those Hazel orbs looking me up and down, almost leering at me. My stomach flips at it; I don't think anyone has ever looked at me like_ that_ before. But to my surprise she stands, flicks her cigarette to rid it of the ashes, and walks towards me, not stopping until our feet are almost touching.

I can literally feel my blood pumping everywhere in my body, and am acutely aware of my own heartbeat. Quinn always had a way to make me nervous. I was tugging at me overcoat now, nervously shifting my weight from one foot to the other. Why was I breathing so heavy now? "You wanted to talk?" She coos, I can literally feel her breath on my nose, it's warm, a nice contrast to the air of the shadows around us.

"How are you?" I ask stupidly, not really knowing where to start. Her being this close to me was really messing with my speech skills. She was making my head fuzzy with her sudden closeness. I wasn't used to her standing so close to me. Under the smell of cigarette smoke I could manage to smell her shampoo. It was nice, fruity even. An unexpected surprise given her current new punk attire. Oddly I expected a non-pleasant scent. That was clearly naïve of me, this was Quinn Fabray, there was never a moment where she neither looked nor smelled unpleasant.

Her low chuckle sends chills throughout my body, all the way to my very core. "Rachel," she husks. My eyes flutter slightly, her new voice, the one she's developed to go with this new persona of hers, it's incredibly alluring. "I know why you're here, and I already told you, I'm not coming back."

"Quinn, just, I don't understand. We're your family," I try, but I still don't know exactly where I'm attempting to go with this, her body is still incredibly close to mine. She looks away from me for a moment, takes a drag in of her cigarette, and blows it out. "I know I said we'll be here when you're ready Quinn, and you can join when you're ready but, I miss you." I say shrugging and avoiding any eye contact. I had only just started to admit it to myself, how much I missed her. It was a little harder to admit it to her though, and far more embarrassing.

Her smile grows, making my heart beat faster, she was about to tease me for admitting such a thing. She was going to call me a name and laugh, then return to her "friends" who would laugh as she retold the encounter. But she doesn't tease me, she only waits for me to look her in the eyes again before leaning further into me, talking so lightly I almost don't hear her words, "What exactly do you miss Rachel?" My eyes close tightly now. This was new, I hadn't experienced this Quinn before, it was almost like she was…_flirting_. When I finally open my eyes again I see her smile first. Her teeth were showing now, and it was more of a smirk than a true smile.

I had to remember how to think before I started stuttering incoherently and mumbling nonsense. "I just miss _you_ Quinn. I can't explain it better than that."

There's that chuckle again, low and deep, like it's coming from deep in her throat. "Rachel Berry unable to explain something?" She teases. She moves in again, this time her lips just ghosting over my ear. There's not enough air suddenly. There isn't enough air, or ground. The ground has completely disappeared and I was somehow floating in midair. "That doesn't sound like the girl I know."

"I-I-I just," I blurt, able to hear the smile spread across her face. "I mean, just," I was using that word too much. Why couldn't I think anymore?

Oh God was that her hand?

I feel cold fingers trace the hem of my shirt, sending an entirely new wave of goose bumps over me. What was she doing? Typically I could figure Quinn out, I knew when she was about to tease me, when she was about to call me a name or call me out on being a diva. But this Quinn was different, this Quinn was unpredictable. "Tell me more Rach." She whispers, pulling her head away from me, an amused grin toying on her lips.

"Quinn," I breathe, feeling my body waver a little. I was dizzy, incredibly and undoubtedly dizzy from everything about what she was doing.

"Rachel," I lost my breath again, closed my eyes, and took in as much air as I possibly could manage, attempting to regain some kind of control. I was quickly beginning to see this was a battle of wills. Quinn was controlling this situation, and I was not about to allow it to go on any longer. I came here. I approached her. I cared enough about her to be one of the only ones to even try. This was my ground, not hers.

"Quinn, glee isn't the same without you. Mr. Schue kicked Santana out because she chose Sue over Glee. Brittany has closed off from everyone; Mercedes is sinking back into her Diva stage. Our family is falling apart and I really think a familiar face would help bring things back to normal. Please Quinn? I really miss you." That last bit slipped out before I could stop myself. But it wasn't as if it wasn't true, and if I recall, I've already admitted this much before.

I blame her body, and her hand, and her thumb running up and down my skin sending my stomach into circus flips, for all of my slip ups today. I blame her from unraveling me in a way that I wasn't aware was possible before entering my own doom that was this day under the bleachers.

Chancing a look to her eyes I find nothing but amusement, pure amusement at my slip up. She moves in closer, so that the very tips of our feet actually touch, I can feel the warmth from her body emanate off her, warming my own skin. Her hand moves from my waist to my chin, which she grasps gently and pulls down before placing her lips to my forehead, lingering in the touch for a moment.

My eyes bug like…like _Quinn_ _Fabray_ had just _kissed_ my forehead. Nothing compared to this moment. Nothing felt so…_intimate_ before. But, why was Quinn doing this. Why was she kissing my head? Why was she touching me the way she was, and making me feel the way I am? "Mmm, Okay Rachel," she says against my head, her lips tickling the soft skin there. "I'll come back to glee." She pauses, pecking my forehead again before letting go of my chin, allowing me to look her in the eyes once again.

I shouldn't have done that, her eyes were so warm, so gentle. I didn't stand a chance, I got lost in them as quickly as ever. Nothing had ever entranced me like her eyes did. There was something new in them now, something I'd never noticed before, they were calm. She was looking at me like she used to look at…at Finn…but… "If you agree to go on a date with me." She husks, and my eyes go wide again.

There was nothing I could say. There were no words that were floating around aimlessly in my head. There was just nothing. Absolutely nothing. Quinn Fabray just asked me on a _date_. Everything was buzzing, my brain, my forehead, my fingers, my toes, everything was just buzzing. This was crazy, she was only teasing again. But why was she looking at me like that? Why had she kissed my forehead? Why had she toyed with the edge of my shirt? Could that really be all part of a silly set-up? Silly was probably not even near the correct word to use at the moment, but this moment was one I'd never imagined to ever happen, so silly was simply the best I could come up with.

And as I stare deep in her eyes I see that it couldn't have been, not with the look she was giving me. That wasn't mischievous in her eyes. There was no malice in her words or any trace of it on her face. This wasn't a trick; Quinn Fabray wanted to go on a date with me. And I could only think of one thing to say to that really. "O-okay."

Anything for Glee club.


	2. Not so Small Sacrifices

**In my haste to get this fic rolling and reposted I forgot to mention that this is the fic once titled Anything for Glee. It's saved on my computer as Anything for Glee Club hence the small name change. **

**For old readers there will be changes to the chapters from the old story right off the bat. Nothing too major now, just things that I feel sound better and flow better than the old, the bigger changes will come either the next chapter or next 2-3. **

**For new readers, I hope you truly enjoy the fic!**

* * *

I entered Glee club quite wary after my encounter with Quinn. The memory still had me a little shaken.

I had really agreed to a date with Quinn Fabray. What was I thinking? I just… is it even… why did she even want this?

"Hey," Finn's voice rang out to me as if he knew. As if he somehow saw everything. Oh God, why do I feel like I've cheated? It wasn't as if I had had any intimate touches, Quinn hadn't kissed me on the lips and there would be absolutely no touching during this so called date. In fact, I was certain to give Quinn a list of rules pre-date that must be abided by in order to proceed with our deal. Yes. That's precisely what I need to do.

Already my mind began to make a mental list, fighting with myself on if anyone should know or if anyone even needed to know. Truthfully I didn't feel they did. This was a deal between Quinn and I alone. I was taking one for the team, they all can continue to view me as selfish all they wanted. No one, especially not Finn, needed to know anything. We needed Quinn, we needed Quinn because we were lacking people, lacking morale. So this little date will be done, and she'll join glee again and everything will go back to normal.

No one needed to know.

"Hey there," I say happily, reaching up to meet him for a kiss. It felt wrong. Dirty. I wasn't cheating and somehow I still was mentally. Thinking back to Quinn and the electricity that was there and somehow not ever around with my own boyfriend…it was cheating, and simply unfair.

I'd just have to create it somehow. I'd have to study Quinn's body language, get a better understanding to that flaming gaze of hers. And the way she exudes confidence in a single look all the time. I'd study her on our date.

"Where have you been? You were almost late to Glee." Finn says, placing his arm over my shoulders. I can't help but curl into him, there's always been this sense of security in his arms. Like no matter what was happening outside of them it didn't matter, because he was right there, holding me, _protecting_ me. Nothing could happen to me while I was in these arms.

"Just talking to Quinn, I think I may have actually gotten to her." White lie.

"Really? How'd you manage that?" Heat rushes to my face instantly. Why did I say that? Why did I just say that?!

"Uh, I don't know, just a feeling. I think she really misses it." In typical Finn fashion, he leaves it at that, kissing my cheek as Mr. Schue walks in, late, like usual. He really wasn't a great teacher, coming in late so much, he was hardly prepared, and really he didn't listen to his students. I could do so much better. In fact, I was sure that I could lead this entire club to nationals and win it if I were running things.

First of all kicking Santana off when we were already down in numbers was the worst idea Mr. Schue has ever had, clearly he wasn't thinking clearly. And not even trying to get Quinn back was his second worst. She was our prominent alto! She practically _was_ the alto section. And now we didn't even have Lauren or Sam.

Even I have to admit that things weren't looking very good. But this was the whole point of my date. To get numbers, to get morale. To get Quinn.

Finn walked me to my next class after Glee, holding my books like a true gentleman. I was struggling to keep up with his conversation though, not that he seemed bothered by it, but there was one thing that had caught my attention. He asked to come over for dinner tonight. I couldn't be around him, I was a nervous wreck already, I had nearly slipped up three times while talking about Quinn today. No one could know about this date. Not that I was ashamed, Quinn was a very pretty girl but I had a boyfriend. _Boy_ being the keyword. I couldn't let people know I was going on a date with someone, let alone a girl.

This was too much.

I was a complete wreck and the date hadn't even started, I didn't even know when it was going to happen!

Maybe this was her plan, maybe freaking me out, and making me nervous, and just destroying me with anticipation was her entire plan. She didn't really want to go on a date; she just wanted to mess with me.

But I couldn't deny that kiss, and those eyes. There was something behind them; it was so clear when it was happening but now I was questioning the whole thing.

Maybe it didn't happen. Maybe I had passed out; maybe I had a brain tumor that was just making me hallucinate things. That made more sense than Quinn actually wanting to go on a date with _me_.

I was Rachel Berry! Why on earth would she want to go on a date with me? Sure I had plenty of talent, I was clearly going to be a star, but she didn't strike me as the gold digger type. So what was it? There had to be a reason. Someone as pretty as Quinn didn't date someone like me.

This was killing me, I needed this to be over with, I couldn't just sit here and think about this. I needed a better distraction than this class, anything to stop my brain from thinking about this date.

No I couldn't call it a date. I couldn't call it a date because there was no way it could _be_ a date. Not with Quinn. It was an impossible thought to wrap my head around, an actual date with _Quinn_ _Fabray_.

It's only now that my brain really kicks in and starts to question when Quinn began to question her sexuality. But that seemed trivial. Sexuality was fluid, that was a fact for me, I didn't need that to be explained. I needed the choosing of me, Rachel Berry, to be explained.

By the end of the day my head was pounding, spending too much time trying to think about this future encounter (I was still refusing to call it a date) with Quinn than I should have. What would she do? What did she have planned? Oh god. What if she made _me_ plan it? I swallowed hard at the thought. She wouldn't be that cruel would she? I couldn't plan a date with her!

Shakily I place the last of my books in my bag and close my locker, jumping at the figure that was standing behind it.

There stood my tormentor, chewing her gum obnoxiously, smile as wide as ever. I gulped hard, making an actual sound this time. "Hey there, cutie" She says, giggling lightly as my eyes nearly pop out of my head all while looking around to see if anyone heard. I can't read her; she has those pink round sunglasses covering those Hazel eyes I had gotten lost in earlier this day. I can't think about those eyes, I can't think about what happened. I just needed to get out of here.

I need all of this to be over with. "Don't call me that." I say, walking around her desperate to escape her. If she didn't get a chance to tell me when this da-future encounter would be I wouldn't have to go. I could pretend I'd forgotten about the whole thing. I could blame her for not trying hard enough to tell me.

But she's hot on my trail, following me all the way out into the parking lot. She doesn't stop until we reach my car, and here she leans against it as I put my belongings in the back seat.

She's back to chewing her gum, thousand watt smile plastered on her face. I couldn't tell, but I was pretty sure she was watching my every movement, like a predator watches its prey. I'd never experienced my heart beating this quickly. It was practically pounding outside my chest, ready to escape the ribbed prison it was being held in.

I turn around, ready to get in my car and pull away, putting a very nice distance between Quinn and I but she's there, leaning against my entrance to the driver's side door. I look at her sunglasses, hoping my face shows more annoyance than I actually feel. "I'd like to enter my car now." I say crossing my arms defiantly. She chuckles once and takes one step to the side, giving me just enough room to squeeze past her into my door.

She holds it open, stopping me from closing it and lifts her sunglasses, allowing me to look at the hazel pools before saying, "I'll pick you up tomorrow, around six. Okay?"

The blush that crept up on my face was inevitable. But I played along, still desperate for her to join Glee. "What about attire? Will it need to be fancy? Or casual?" I ask looking away from her for the first time. The heat in my cheeks rose and in my peripheral vision I could see her smile grow.

"Casual, something you won't mind getting a little dirty in."

What?

I whip my head to her, eyes bugging for the fourth time that day. What did _that _mean?

Her only answer was a thousand watt smile, and then she was walking away, leaving me and my thudding chest.

I couldn't do this. I can't. I simply just cannot do this. It was crazy. _She_ was crazy! God what was I thinking. I shouldn't have agreed. This was stupid. So very stupid. I was stupid. Oh god kill me now.

I was going on a date with Quinn Fabray.


	3. White Lies or Small Truths

I had avoided everyone this entire day at school; I barely spoke to Finn, ran away from Kurt, and jumped at even the slightest shade of pink.

I had a date with Quinn Fabray tonight.

I hadn't even told my dad's yet, _how_ could I tell my dad's? There was no easy way to say it. I wasn't afraid that they wouldn't accept me, but I'd have to explain Finn, and then I'd have to explain the deal, and there was no way they'd be okay with that. They'd see it as Quinn using me, forcing me into this night of utter torment.

Oh God.

Every thought heals to a stop when a very specific image comes into my head.

Every date ends with a goodnight kiss. That's just how dates went. Would she expect me to-no. No, no, no, no, no. I could _not_ kiss Quinn. Nope. It wasn't happening. I was not going to kiss her, she couldn't make me. I'd bring my rape whistle if I had to. Quinn Fabray was _not_ going to get a kiss from Rachel Berry.

I hear knocking at my door and it brings me back to the present, sucking me out of my screaming over-imaginative head. "Sweetie, dinner's almost done." My eyes dart to the clock. 5:42. What?! It had only been two minutes?! No. Time was playing with me; someone had messed with my clock. That's the only reasonable explanation. But my phone read the same time, as did my I-Pod.

I wondered if Quinn was expecting to eat on this date, but how would that work with the 'getting dirty'? I didn't know anything anymore and it was frustrating me beyond belief.

Six o' clock was early enough to be a dinner but also just late enough to have finished. She was keeping me on my toes with all of this, and I honestly wasn't sure how I felt about that. "I, I don't think I'm eating." I say through my closed door.

He opened it, poking his head through in curiosity. "Finn and you have a date?" He asks, looking over his glasses like a librarian. I can't help but bite my lip; I needed a lie, a really good lie. I could not tell my dad everything yet. I just needed a little more time.

"Uh, well no, you see I actually um," I pause to clear my throat, a blush creeping it's way to my cheeks, spreading down my neck and reaching up to my ears. I can't believe I was about to say this. But it was the only thing I could do for him to just let it happen. I couldn't tell the truth, he'd never let Quinn in the house and I was not about to let him ruin this. It may not be something I was jumping up and down to do but Quinn had sparked my interest just enough for me to _need_ to go through with it. Just to see what she had planned. Not to mention without this date she wouldn't join glee club. So I needed to say this, it was for the best, "I'vebeenquestioning-mysexualitylately."

I say it like its one sentence unable to look him in the eye. He stands there quietly, and for a brief second I wonder if he's angry. I wonder if he could tell I was lying. I half expect him to just laugh and say, 'right, be downstairs in five.' And leave. But he doesn't say that. What he says is much, _much_ worse.

"Oh? Well, that's perfectly fine. So you're going on a date with a girl? Do I know her?" No, I nearly wail internally and I'm positive that my facial expression is showing exactly that. He shouldn't be interested. He should not be interested in my fake date. He should see through me, he should be able to tell I was lying. But my face must confuse him into thinking I was simply nervous, because he only sent me a caring encouraging smile.

I hate this man.

"Yes, well, maybe. She used to be in glee." Since when had this string been on my bed? Had that crease always been on my knuckle? Oh look, something shiny on the floor.

"Alright, well she's picking you up?"

I nod. "What time?"

"Six."

"Where are you guys going?"

"It's a surprise."

"Oh, she really has you pegged doesn't she?" He says with a light tone to his voice. I look at him more confused than ever. What did he mean? How could he know that? Yes, Quinn knew exactly what to do to make me want to go on this date out of sheer curiosity, but also keep me so on edge I may pull my hair out; but how on Earth did he know that.

"What are you talking about?" I ask watching him come closer, sitting next to me on my bed.

"Oh come on, you're a sucker for surprises. You may not have the patience for them but when you actually wait and see them, you love it. They're dramatic, and are you not the biggest drama queen Lima Ohio has ever seen?" He pokes my ribs, smile broadening on his face.

He was right, I did secretly love surprises, but that didn't mean I was interested in Quinn. How could he not see how uncomfortable I was?

But maybe I wasn't all that uncomfortable, if anything this little…fling, could very well open the door for us to gain a friendship. It's all I ever wanted with her, she so clearly needed one now, and this was the perfect opportunity to give her that. So, maybe deep down I was a little excited.

His palm lands on my knee, patting it twice before giving it a squeeze and standing to walk out my door. But he stops, turns, and I think he may finally see through me, just when I _don't _want him to. "Oh," he says turning to face me again. "I still love you, I'm proud of you, and any other clichéd thing that should be said but being gay myself find it to be a given." He flashes me a warm smile and I giggle.

"Thanks dad."

When he closes my door I fall back on my bed and huff. Now all I had to do was find an outfit that I could get 'dirty' in. God, what did that even _mean_? I turn my head to my dresser, wishing I could just magically pull the perfect outfit out with my mind. I would go with casual. In fact I would go so casual Quinn wouldn't be able to ignore how completely uninterested I was with a romantic relationship.

I only wanted to be friends. That was it. Jeans and a basic hoodie was all that was needed for this date. But what about my hair? And makeup? Was that still an option or would this date be too dirty?

I was really starting to hate this surprise. I didn't know anything; I didn't know what to do. It wasn't fair. My eyes darted to the clock. 5:44. Are you kidding! No, this wasn't happening; time was not going by this slow. It was utterly impossible.

I lift myself off my bed, trudging my way to the dresser. I was suddenly less excited for this; I didn't want to humiliate myself by wearing the wrong thing, or having my hair styled wrong, or having it get messed up with whatever we were going to be doing. And that alone put a triage of images in my head that were all too crude and infuriating.

God, she was so frustrating. I make it over to my dresser, pulling out whatever shirt was on top, and an old faded pair of jeans.

The shirt was unsatisfactory, having much too many wrinkles on it. The next was white, not a great shirt to get 'dirty' in. The third one I pulled out had long sleeves and although it would be cold I'd have a jacket, and the combination of a long-sleeve and jacket would only make it too hot.

A small pile was forming on my floor, one of various colors and designs. Mostly argyle, but some having printed unicorns, bears, and one with a sailboat. I scanned my room, wondering if maybe a random shirt would be lying carelessly across a chair, or on my bed, but clothing isn't what catches my eye. What does is the bedside clock. 5:56.

What! How did this…I _just_ started getting ready this was impossible, just seconds ago time was crawling by.

Trembling, I yank another shirt out of the drawer not caring that it was white, or that it had a giant's wolf head printed on the front, I just needed clothes. I had so much to do and suddenly only four minutes to do so.

I threw a black and white scarf on and rushed into my light black jacket. 5:59.

Oh god, it was so close. I felt my body buzz again, like it had by the bleachers. Barbara, how did I manage to get myself into this mess? How did I manage to get a date with Quinn? How was I going to keep this from Finn? How was I going to explain to my dad that I wasn't actually questioning my sexuality? How was he going to take it? What if Glee found out? What would they say? What would Kurt do?

_Dong._

Oh no. Oh no. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to see her. I'm not ready for this. I can't do this. "Rach! Your date's here!" No. No she's not. He's lying. She's not here.

I hear him invite her in and can only imagine what he's thinking right now. He probably thought I was crazy, going on a date with someone with pink hair. What was she wearing?

Even though I knew no one heard it I still blushed. That sounded so much worse than what I meant. If Quinn heard that, she'd…I didn't even want to think of what she'd do.

But I had to come out of hiding at some point. Eventually I'd need to show my face, and get this night over with. For the sake of Glee club. It was the mantra that I repeated to myself before I even began to move. For the sake of Glee club.

I took it one step at a time, slowly making my way down the steps while any other day I'd trot down them excitedly.

I wasn't excited. I was nervous. She had better not be wearing denim as a shirt or jacket. She had better not be smoking. She had better not _smell_ like cigarettes. I swear to God if she chose to wear some ridiculous nose ring that was blatantly obvious I'd kill her. I didn't want to go on a date with that Quinn. I wanted to go on a date with the Quinn I knew. Not that I truly wanted to, but if I had the choice between the multiple personalities I've seen Quinn wear through the years, I'd pick the blonde locks that showed her vulnerability every so often.

I stop in my tracks, eating my words the second I see her. She's dressed in light skinny jeans, grey chucks on her feet, and thankfully she's not wearing her cut off denim jacket. Instead she has a black and white shirt with the name Paramore on it, and a zip up hoodie over it, all of it black except the pockets, which were striped with white and black horizontally.

She looked absolutely adorable, it wasn't the Quinn from last year, but it was at least a toned down version of this year's Quinn. She even took out her nose ring.

"Hey," I say stupidly. I was still in the foyer, having not moved from the bottom of the steps.

I watch her look over her shoulder, the small smile playing at her lips curving further upward until it was a full toothy smirk. "Hey Rachel," she said walking closer to me seeing as how my brain forgot how to make my legs move. "You look good." Her eyes followed the same path they had earlier, taking the same amount of time, eliciting the same reaction they had before. Only this time I shivered visibly.

"I was just telling Quinn to have you home by ten."

Ten?! What the hell did he think I needed all that time for?! What was his brain thinking? Now I had four hours to spend with the girl, I only wanted one at the very most. What was I going to do with _four_?

Quinn's fingers take my hand delicately, not pulling me to the door, or squeezing for comfort, or anything, they're just there, grabbing my attention. "Ready?" She asks and my eyes are on her instantly. I couldn't read her, I didn't know this Quinn. I feel as if I could cry with how horrified I am. But if I looked hard enough into those Hazel eyes, and only those Hazel eyes, I could see the old Quinn there. I saw the blonde locks, and the softer edges. The vulnerability.

"I guess, am I dressed appropriately?" I ask, tugging on my jacket before looking at myself.

"Yeah, you're perfect." The way she says it, causes every thought to freeze, it causes my very breathe to escape my lungs, and my heart to stop beating for a second. It was so tender, and breathy. A new tone I hadn't heard from her, ever. "Come on," she says turning to the front door, giving my dad a final polite wave before we step outside.

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise." Her tone is husk again, low with her new persona.

She catches me off guard by walking to my door, opening it for me and waiting patiently, even though I stopped walking the second she reached the passenger side door. "What are you doing?"

"Taking you out on a date," She teases, her evil smirk spreading across her face. It was actually kind of, dare I say it, cute, the way she was playing dumb. "I do believe this is how a gentleman treats the first date? Opening the door for the girl?"

"So, you're saying you're the man in this relationship?" I smirk; happy I had come up with a comeback as quickly as it did, and walk to the truck door, stepping in carefully, it was a little higher than I could manage, had she planned that?

I hear her chuckle, and wonder what on earth could have been wrong with that; it was almost on a Santana level of playful teasing. She leans her head close to mine, her lips against my ear much like earlier today, by the bleachers. "Relationship, huh?" she says, just above a whisper.

Too many things happen to my body that weren't right. My breathing picks up, tongue darts out to lick my suddenly dry lips, and my stomach flops about a hundred times. Even my heart picks up its pace. But worst of all was my brain. It pictured Quinn's lip, so close to my ear, whispering what she had, but then kissing just below it. Kissing right where my jaw met the curve of my lobe. Oh god. Why was it so hot suddenly?

"That's not what, I mean, I didn't, when I said that I wasn't, we aren't, F-Finn." There, I said a word where she would at least understand what I meant. But she didn't seem bothered by it. I looked right to her, eyes on eyes, and I couldn't find a single care in them about the boy, or that I was still dating him.

"You're incredibly cute you know." She says pecking my nose before closing the truck door in my _incredibly_ shocked face.

Tonight was going to be hell; complete and utter hell.


	4. We Are Conquerors

**A/N: JPElles: This is a re-Upload/Re-write of the original. As of right now small things have been changed. If you remember Rachel's emotions in the way I wrote the first one, then you'll notice that her emotions in this are much different from last time.**

**Jrzygurl89: I hope this chapter answers your question!**

**RB4ever: I hope the fact that this is around 6,000 plus words makes you manage with the one update a day better. :)**

**I'm very appreciative of the compliments to the writing style since that's what I worry about most. It's a great confidence booster! And I love that everyone's enjoying Rachel's thought processes and how she's dealing with it all. **

**A "Cover" will be made eventually, when Photoshop decides to work with me instead of against me. But until then you'll have to deal with my prof pic.**

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Quinn's car stopped just outside the old park my dad's used to take me too. I couldn't even remember the name of it; it had been_ that _long since I'd been here.

I hardly saw this as dirty though, sure it was nature, but there wasn't anything that necessarily meant I was going to be getting dirty. Just as I had thought, it had been a trick, something to freak me out, not anything that was actually going to happen. A small unnoticeable huff escaped my lips. I could kill this girl right now.

I turned to unbuckle my seatbelt and caught a glimpse of Quinn's frantic body, rushing to get out of the car. She nearly tripped as she hopped to the ground, her body wavering from the awkward landing. I couldn't help the snicker that escaped me; anyone would have laughed at someone who was trying to be a cool, rocker chick falter like that. Even if they were currently angry at them.

Within seconds that same frantic figure was at my door, opening it for me once more, only this time she held out her hand, like a limo driver did to a celebrity walking onto the red carpet. My eyes were locked on her, I just couldn't look away; this was unbelievable. She was treating this like it was an actual date. I mean, it was, but it also wasn't, because I had a boyfriend. A boyfriend that had actually _never_ held the door opened for me like this before. I gulped at the thought; I should _not_ be comparing the two right now. Quinn was a girl, Finn was a boy. They had two completely different personalities, were two completely different people.

There simply was no comparison.

"Thank you," I manage placing my hand cautiously in hers. I nearly gasp at her smile. It's a flash of all teeth, a true beam of delight. I hadn't seen this smile since freshman year. It made her entire face light up, and suddenly I wasn't so nervous anymore, because this was a reminder that somewhere the old Quinn was still there. Deep down in this scared shell of a person held the old Quinn that I knew, and I'd never felt a better comfort than I did in knowing that.

"Welcome," was her reply before she used her free hand to close the truck door behind me, locked the car with her keys, and walked forward, not once letting go of my hand.

It wasn't an intimate hand-hold, our fingers weren't laced; we were simply cupping each other's palms. It was a hand-hold little girls got away with doing without judgment. And I pray that the rule still applies to silly teenagers.

I try to stay by her side, matching each step with one of my own, but I found it hard to do. I was too busy looking left to right then left again, desperate to figure out what this surprise was, it couldn't just be a walk in the park; Quinn wasn't that kind of person. She liked suspense, she liked the shock factor. A simple walk in the park while holding hands would not do it for her, or me.

"So, the park?" I ask, trying to get some answers out of her, but she smiles and looks to me from the corner of her eye.

"It's still a surprise."

"But we're _here_." I whine lulling my head back in irritation. This was the part when I absolutely despised surprises, the part where I was close enough to see what it was but far enough to not be quite there yet. It was maddening.

I hear her chuckle and I can't help but blush. I was talking like this was normal, like it was normal to be on a date with Quinn, a date my boyfriend didn't know about. Should I have told him?

I stop in my tracks suddenly, and our arms are stretched at an awkward angle because we both refused to let go. In the distance I can hear soft guitar playing; a few harmonies, but most importantly I can see lights, and crowds of people ahead of us. "What is that?" I point with my free hand and again she chuckles, that low throaty chuckle that was constantly causing the butterflies to storm around in my gut.

"What part of a surprise confuses you?"

"The waiting part!" I shout a little too annoyed. I just wanted to _know_ already.

She steps closer to me again, so close our entire arm are nearly pressed together. "Seriously Rachel, do you have _any_ idea how cute you are. Any more of your tantrums and I might have to kiss you."

The grip I have on her hand tightened inconsiderably, not because I wanted it, but because it scared me, the very idea of Quinn's lips on mine made my entire body tremble. It made my heart stop, my eyes bulge, and breaths short and haggard. This was the very thing that I _didn't_ want her to do.

She seemed to understand though, taking a step back and going back to walking, making our way towards the lights and sounds. It almost sounded like… "Quinn, are we at a carnival?" I ask.

"Seriously, Rachel? You can't just let it be a surprise?"

"You can't just tell me?"

"That would ruin the whole surprise part of this!"

"You already think I'm ruining the surprise part of it, so you might as well tell me!"

She lets go of my hand, using both of hers to run her fingers through her hair. Good, she was frustrated, now she'd give up and tell me, just like Finn would.

Her frustration wasn't my fault; it could have been completely avoided if she had just told me what we were doing in the first place. I had a right to know, what if she was secretly taking me out to murder me. Or have me killed? This was obviously not the case, but still, it could have happened.

And my foolish dad wouldn't know anything was amiss because she'd have _four hours_ to take care of my body. He really didn't think things through.

"I don't think you're ruining it Rachel." There's no other meaning behind that sentence than to assure me she wasn't angry with me. Something Finn never - no, I wasn't comparing, they're two different people, two complete opposite types of people.

I watch her suck in her bottom lip, nervously looking out of the corner of her eye to my hand. I could give her this right? I could hold her hand and still have it be innocent. Hand holding wasn't cheating, and it wasn't only for couples. Friends could hold hands right?

I chance it, reaching out for hers while trying to watch her reaction without getting caught. Her face brightens however nowhere near the beam she wore earlier. It was a soft grin, a small quick nibble to her bottom lip. I've never met this Quinn, that much is almost painfully obvious. I haven't ever been graced with this Quinn's presence, and thus making it nearly impossible to know what is real and what isn't, if any of this was real or not.

But the mere fact that Quinn grinned such a sincere grin when I took her hand _told_ me she wanted to hold my hand. She just smiled like it was the only thing she's ever wanted her whole life no matter how subtle. Surely I hadn't imagined that. I mean, that brightness was rare and yet I had somehow managed to bring it out of her in the _same hour_.

We were getting closer to the crowd now, their voices making our silence even more awkward than it already was. The grass that was to my left was slowly being taken over by the tip of a lake. The lights from whatever it was that we were walking to illuminating the water enough for me to see the lily pads floating atop the lake water across the way. It was pretty; I wished I had brought my camera to take a picture.

But that would have been proof that this happened. And I did not want proof. If I were to be questioned about this I could easily deny it, it would be my words against Quinn's and let's face it; she wasn't really becoming a reliable source in anyone's eyes. My wince came immediately after the thought. That was cruel.

Soon enough I can see an arch of balloons, the entrance to the "Party in the Park".

That's right, I had forgotten about this! This is why my dad's took me here when I was little. It was a fair, with lots of greasy food, fun little games, and small kiddie rides. There wasn't much to do though, not as a teenager. The only thing that we could ride was the Ferris wheel, and even then I had a fear of heights so we couldn't go on that.

I still smile though, the pleasant memories of my childhood crashing back over me. It was nice, but completely unexpected. "Quinn, you brought me to a fair?" She smiles, it's not the thousand watt smile from earlier but it was enough to please me.

"Sort of, this is only the beginning."

I roll my eyes, of course there was more. "What else is there?"

"That's still a surprise."

"Quinn Fabray, you are the most infuriating person I have ever met." I scold trying to pull my hand out of hers, but she squeezes tight, refusing my withdrawal.

Our eyes meet, hers twinkling with the light from the various game kiosks. "Rachel Berry," She starts, her voice much more calm than mine had been, and much less annoyed. "You are the most adorable person _I_ have ever met." She taps my nose for emphasis, grinning slightly at my dumbfounded, blushing face. I swear she only says these things to get me flustered.

I don't reply to her, too afraid of making her think I wanted this to be a real date as much as she did. It wouldn't be fair of me to lead her on like that. I had a boyfriend. I had a great boyfriend. Sure he didn't hold doors open for me, or treat me like I was at the red carpet, or elicit reactions from me just by the way he looks at me, but he listens, sometimes, and he definitely cares about me. He loves me, and I love him, so this wasn't a real date and I couldn't lead Quinn on.

We pass a few of the obviously rigged games, couples standing around them laughing at their ridiculously wasted money as they hand it mindlessly to the greedy game host. "I will never understand why people spend so much of their hard earned money on cheap games that they will have only a one in a hundred chance of winning." I rant without thinking, finding myself growing more and more comfortable the more we just walked. She had this thing about her that I just, couldn't deny. I wasn't sure what that meant but it was something, I just let her have a part of me without even thinking about it. It came naturally with her.

"It's because they want to impress their dates." she looks away from me and I'm pretty sure she's blushing. I ignore it though, not wanting this to reach any kind of level of awkward. I liked this, truthfully. This sudden comfort I found in her. We were reaching that point of being friends that I had so desperately wanted to get to, we were finally reaching it, and I would do anything to keep it that way.

"So, they impress their dates by making themselves broke, unable to buy their dates dinner?"

Her evil smirk reappears on her face and she stops walking. My eyes go up to hers again, curiosity painted on my face I'm sure. "So, is this a hint that you'd rather be taken to dinner?"

"If it means there will be no more surprises then yes, that is exactly what I want."

She doesn't necessarily laugh, it's more of a scoff and she shakes her head, "You're unbelievable."

"I thought I was adorable."

"That too." Her smile is contagious, I can't help it, I have to. I have to smile because she is. It's the most amazing thing about her. Her gaze leaves mine, and for a second I'm disappointed, I was seeing the old Quinn again, and now she was gone, lost somewhere between me and this toned down version of the new Quinn.

We start walking again, our hands swinging between us. At least it didn't feel like a date, not the ones I had experienced. Sure there weren't many, Finn had quit his job soon after Beth was born and he had just started working for Burt, so he didn't have the money to take me to do things like this. It was okay though, I didn't mind. Not really anyways.

The guitar was growing louder, and I was starting to see the stage now. The banner read Chase Coy, the name of the singer clearly. He was alright, but I was better.

I felt a tug on my arm and suddenly I was being directed to a one of the game kiosks. "Quinn you can't be serious." I say embarrassed. She was going to waste her money just to prove a point. How ridiculous was that?

"Just sit and let me win you something." She says in an almost child-like tone. Her hazel eyes work me, pleading silently for me to just sit and at least _watch _her. In the background I can hear the boy's voice, velvety and slightly nasally. It matched with the feel of this date though, and it was kind of romantic, Quinn wanting to win me a prize. It was incredibly romantic actually. So I sit, the idea of leading Quinn on still a very clear voice in my head, but now it was further back, in a distant part of my brain, far enough to let me enjoy the look of pure concentration on Quinn's face.

It was a point and shoot, the more water you got in the mouth of a creepy clown mouth the faster and higher a stuffed animal would go on a pole that measured the speed and amount of water. The couples sitting next to Quinn were failing miserably, their laughter causing the heavy metal hose to jiggle around too much.

Quinn wasn't playing like they were; she was determined to win me something. It was incredibly sweet of her. But to spend three dollars on a toy I could probably find at a nearby dollar store seemed quite silly.

Bells and whistles went off loudly and I watch her triumphant smile spread across her face.

Maybe a kiss wouldn't be so bad. Nothing serious, but a peck, a simple pressing of our lips together; It could be quick.

Her voice snaps my terrible thoughts to a close. "What?" I can hear the tremble in my voice, meaning there was no way she _didn't_ hear it.

"What would you like? I said I'd be winning it for you." Her eyes are incredibly vibrant. My heart flutters at the thought and I force myself to look to the stuffed animals hanging from the roof of the kiosk. There was a frog, some really terrible looking dog, a Stewie, and in a barrel next to the game host were blow up bats. These were all kind of terrible.

I chewed my lip, taking a second look, not ignoring the hosts annoyed eye roll, and then I see it, the perfect prize. A group of pink lions sat in the far right corner of the back of the booth, lazily slumped over each other. "There!" I shout a little too enthusiastically. "The little pink lion."

Quinn gave me a funny look but nods at the game host, silently telling him to grab it. I'm practically bouncing when he hands it to me. I'd never seen anything so perfect before. "Why did you want that one? I thought you'd go for the yellow dog."

I smile brightly to her, happy she asked. It was extremely cheesy, my reasoning, but it fit too well for me to ignore. "When we sang at nationals, you did this type of hair flip and your hair flew all over your face, it looked like a lion's mane. And now it's pink." I poke her on the nose with the Lions head, giggling happily. Sure, I left out a piece of the reason, the piece that I was a part of, but she didn't need to know that I chose it because pink was my favorite color. That would be cruel, to admit that a part of me did want to remember this.

If we stopped being friends again then I wanted to remember this day; the day that two very unlikely people got together and actually had fun. The day that Quinn Fabray and Rachel Berry went on a date (Something I feel we'll both laugh about in our old age sitting next to our then significant others). Just because this was a date now didn't mean it would mean anything later. We're young and we do silly things often. The hand holding, eye gazing and lingering everything doesn't have to mean anything. I've clearly over-complicated a situation that didn't need to be. Quinn and I didn't need this figured out in one night, people come to this as a family event, I'm sure two friends can come and have it not mean anything more. The title wouldn't matter in a few months, maybe even a few days. All that mattered was that I was enjoying myself, and by the looks of it, Quinn was too.

"Seriously Rachel?" Her face was away from me again, but the lights around us are enough for me to see the pink on her neck and ears. Why was she blushing so hard? "How did you even notice that?"

"I don't know, I just looked over and saw you," I paused, trying to remember how exactly it happened. But I can't I just remember seeing her, doing the hair flip.

We started to walk again, our bodies closer than they were before when we were holding hands. I wondered if it was because we weren't holding hands that she walked so close to me. I kind of preferred the hand holding, it felt…different, _better_.

As if she could read my mind I felt the tips of her fingers tickle my palm. They didn't curve to the side though. Instead each digit slipped between one of my own, tickling my skin until she had a firm grasp on my hand, our fingers completely interlaced.

My skin was on fire, it was tingling and buzzing. It was doing all sorts of things that I didn't understand. Why was I reacting so dramatically, was it just my nerves? I didn't understand. No other human being on the planet created this bundle of tension in my gut. And no other human being made me feel so on edge and completely relaxed in such a small span of time.

Her voice saved me from getting lost in my confusion; it was timid, and just above a trembling whisper, the old Quinn returning for a brief moment. "I-is this okay?"

I actually take a minute to think about it. _Was_ this okay? Was it okay to be holding Quinn's hand in an entirely new kind of way, while I had a boyfriend? Was it okay that this hand hold was making me more nervous than I had been on Finn and I's first date? The answer was no, this was not okay, none of it was.

But I liked it. I liked how our fingers fit. Finn's were a little wide, stretching my fingers out just a little too far making it slightly uncomfortable for me. But Quinn's were slender, and much smoother than Finn's. "Yeah," I manage, felling her grasp loosen just barely. She was relaxing, apparently a lot more nervous than she was letting on. "Your hands are really soft." I say absently as an afterthought. It was meant to be a thought, she wasn't supposed to hear that I was admiring her skin. Now she was sure to figure out that I didn't hate this as much as I first had.

Thankfully she doesn't say anything on it, just looks forward, her steps quickening slightly. I wondered what she was thinking. I mean, she was acting as though I hadn't really said anything. "Come on, I want to ride the Ferris wheel before we go."

What?

"No, no. I'm not getting on that." I nearly shout stopping in my tracks, not budging an inch. My body bends forward at her tugging me forward while my legs keep me in place. The place I tend to be in while Quinn goes on and rides it, despite the look of confused despair she's giving me. "It's a metal death trap. There's no way you're getting me in that thing."

Her face softens from confusion into a grin, and slowly she makes her way back to me.

I can't look at her; I can't watch her make fun of me for being afraid of Ferris wheels. I watch families walk past us, looking at the giddy laughing kids. My eyes follow random couples curl into each other, and look at old couples laugh at their grandchildren. Anything but Quinn. "Rachel, I promise I won't let anything happen to you."

Crap.

"We're going to die, we're dead, it's going to fall to pieces and we're going to die." I repeat once the wheel starts to move backward and up at a painstaking snail pace.

"Rachel, what can I do?" Her voice is soft again, unlike the husk she had held when telling the teen boy to wipe the pervy grin off his face when he saw us holding hands. I may have flinched lightly at that, and even thought o tugging my hand away, but that'd hurt Quinn too much I feared.

"Get me off this thing." It was the only logical answer, but she laughs at it anyways, finding it a ridiculous request.

"Rach, we've already started going up."

"Why aren't we moving then?" I whine, gripping the metal bar with my free hand tighter, and squeezing her hand like my life depended on it. It very well might actually.

"If you'd open your eyes, you'd see that other people need to get on too enjoy this ride too."

I shake my head feverishly, I was not about to watch my death happen before me. Something's tickling my chin, tracing the side of it. I can only rationalize it as Quinn's finger trying to get me to look at her. But I didn't want to do that either. I couldn't look at her without feeling that familiar swarm of butterflies in my stomach. What if I got lost in her eyes again? That couldn't happen, I didn't want to feel this way about her. The only thing I could expect from this was to be let down. She'd go back to hating me and I'd be crushed.

"Rachel," she calls, her finger back to trying to lure my head towards hers. "Just tell me what to do. Let me help you get over your fear."

Oh god. She was amazing. She was just…Finn wouldn't have done that. He would have called me ridiculous, he would have gotten frustrated, later feeling guilty about it and apologizing but still, he'd _never_ try to help me like Quinn wanted to.

But I didn't know how she _could _help. Nothing my dads' ever did helped me get over my fear of these death traps. I wasn't even sure where the fear stemmed from, it was just there. From birth perhaps, or possibly there was a deep psychological background to it. But I was neither one with great memory or a psychiatry degree; so Quinn's question utterly stumped me in the moment.

An image popped into my head though, Quinn's fingers tickling my palm just before she laced our fingers. I wanted that. That's what would make me feel better. But how could I ask for that from her? It was such an intimate thing to do. The only reason I wanted it was because it felt so good, it made my body react in a way it never had with Finn. Could I really ask her to do that? To make me feel better than Finn was ever able to?

"Rachel, please."

God, what was I doing? Why was I contemplating telling her to touch me like that? It wasn't fair to Finn. Why was I allowing myself to-

Oh. Oh wow. That's why. Those goose bumps rushing up from my wrist, those butterflies that were causing my stomach to flop, and that _very_ low throbbing was why. God that felt amazing. It tickled a little, but it was only slightly. "Please?"

Consider me dead. Consider my very soul completely outside of my body, floating up to the clouds. "That," I strangle out. "Just do that." Her nails trail spinning patterns on my palm, occasionally switching it up and sliding down in a straight line.

God that felt good.

"Rachel,"

"Hmm?" Yes, I hummed. I couldn't help it. It just felt _that_ good.

"Can you look at me now? You won't have to look anywhere but at me."

"How far up are we?" I ask sucking in my bottom lip.

"Almost to the top."

My eyes close tighter. I didn't want to see that. I _really_ didn't want to see that. But I'd be looking at her, not how far down I'd be falling to my death. That can't be so bad, right?

Chewing hard on my lip I turn my head, keeping my eyes closed until I felt like I could breathe. Until I can tell somehow that I'm exactly where I need to be; and slowly, I opened them, peaking at first to make sure that Quinn was in fact in front of me.

My lip was starting to hurt from how hard I was biting it, but I couldn't help but be nervous. At least I couldn't help it until I looked right into Quinn's eyes. They were gentle, although a little worried. Her hand went to my cheek, keeping my gaze in place, looking only at her. I don't think I could ever look away. "You know, I thought you were just being dramatic when you didn't want to ride this. I'm sorry."

"It's fine, it was a perfectly natural assumption." I reassure her with as faint a smile I could muster.

I never noticed how much her eyes sparkled. They were quite…beautiful really. Of course that isn't to be surprising considering the person that I was thinking of.

Her thumb starts to move on my cheek and I see her gaze fall to my lips.

My world stops. Everything comes to a screeching halt. Oh god. Was it going to happen now? Was she going to skip everything? Was she not going to wait until we stood outside my doorstep? "Rachel," this was it. She was going to kiss me, she was going to put her lips on mine and I wasn't scared like before. I was just nervous, and, dear god kill me, _excited. _But how could I not be, she had swept me off my feet the second she won the lion for me. I wasn't really scared about what would happen after that. "We're at the top." I gulped, most likely audibly, and nodded slightly. There was the slightest ping of pain as Finn came to mind and I'm almost certain that she saw it. The slight falter and twitch of her eyelashes was a small indication.

She wasn't going to kiss me; she had no intention of kissing me right now. Or if she did she wasn't about to act on it. "Are you sure you don't want to look? It looks out at the city perfectly."

I swallow, closing my eyes again, "Just don't stop touching me-my palm."

"I promise." She says. Another big breath in and I open my eyes, taking my time to turn my head, slowly getting the full view. It really was pretty out, but not pretty enough for me to ignore the swinging of our seat.

"Quinn we're going to die." She stops her drawing and moves her fingers to lace between mine again.

"Stop thinking like that. We're going to be fi-"

"Are the seats supposed to swing so much? Is that normal? I don't think that's normal. They should let us off now, they should seriously start making the thing spin so I can plant my feet back on the ground like our bodies were mea-"

Her lips are on my temple, lingering there for a second causing my eyes to shut again. "Hmmm, you smell good." She says after a brief moment. She moves her head further back, keeping it close to mine though so I could feel my hair brush against her nose and cheek.

I feel her lips press against my hair again, lingering in the touch longer than the first one. She was being so tender, and it hits me, I was getting the old Quinn to shine through this new one. I was getting her to remember herself. However I couldn't ignore the slicing I felt knowing that Finn was assuming I was safely home tucked away in my room, working on Glee or homework. I couldn't take the thought that I may actually cheat on him tonight, even if I certainly hadn't done anything wrong there was enough going on that it could be seen that way. "Why did you dye your hair?" I ask suddenly, turning to face her when she pulls away finally. I needed the breather and was more than happy to ignore the current predicament if it meant pretending it never happened.

"Because I found who I am. And who I am has pink hair." Great, I ruined it. She was back to new Quinn, deep voice and all.

"But, I liked your blond hair, not to say this looks any worse or anything, I just miss the blond. I like the blond. Do you think I could get that back?" It was a low blow sure, but I wanted her back. I was most comfortable with her. I didn't really care what she was wearing, she could wear whatever she liked, according to Kurt I couldn't judge anyone on apparel, but I needed the blond hair. It was one of my favorite things about her.

"Rachel, I'm not about to change for someone who doesn't even want me."

It hurt. Her tone, her words, everything. And it shouldn't in the slightest, but that wasn't necessarily true; a part of me did want her. Just not the same way she wanted me. "Why did you do all this then? Why are you currently on a date with me?"

She scoffs at my question like I should already know the answer. "Because, It's not like I had anything to lose from it."

Wait, she didn't even _want_ me? She was just messing with me this _entire_ time?! I should have guessed. I should have _known._ I _did _know, but her eyes, and her smiles, and god those fingers. She was an amazing actress for being able to pull this off, but I was still too angry with her to admire it fully. I was far too furious to even want know what to do with myself. If it weren't for the height and the constraint I'd be storming off in a heartbeat.

"So wait, this was nothing? You just thought, 'hey let's get the biggest loser of the school to swoon for no reason'? That's incredibly selfish Quinn! Do you know what this could do to my relationship with Finn? Do you have any idea how badly I've been freaking out _all_ _day_ because of this? I had to come out to my dad without really needing to because of you. Do you have any idea how scary that was?"

"You're being ridiculous."

_What?!_ "_I'm_ being ridiculous? Me. I'm the one being ridiculous? Are you kidding-"

"Rachel, when I said I didn't have anything to lose I meant I could ask you on a date and not have to worry about my reputation, or my dad wanting to kill me, or a boyfriend that I would have hurt. I don't have anything that I had to worry about years before now. I had nothing to lose by admitting my feelings for you. So yes, you assuming I don't have feelings for you is quite ridiculous, especially after I've been holding your hand all night."

I stare at her in wonder, never having seen this Quinn made my reaction a little delayed. She'd never been this open before, it was like she had just word vomited all over the place and she didn't look the least bit sorry. She was being so open_._ The least I could do is repay her.

I try and think of something to say, something to retort with but there's nothing. I can't think of a single phrase or sentence. My brain is at a loss. She's rendered me completely speechless and _that _was something I'd never experienced before. "We're moving again." She says as if we hadn't spoken about her true feelings just seconds ago. As if nothing out of the norm had happened.

Stupidly I look down. I look straight down to see that yes we were moving again, but we were still far too high up. "Oh god!" I squeak slamming my lids close, hands flying to the bar in front of me.

Within seconds Quinn's arms are around me, one in front and the other around my back. "Let go of the bar," was she crazy?! This bar was my lifeline! "Rachel, let me take care of you."

My body stiffens for a brief moment, for reasons beyond my knowledge, and then falls limp. My hands slip from that metal lifeline. She knew just what to say to make me fly away in some other worldly plane.

I feel her muscles in the arm around my back flex as she pulls me closer to her, our bodies now in full contact.

Nothing felt like it was too much until now. Now that I could feel the curve of her breast against my upper arm, could feel the heat from her thigh against my own, and could feel her fingers stroke my side comforting from the back, while her arm that was laced around my front lay limp in my lap. I still kept my eyes closed, afraid to see how close her face was to mine. I knew it was right there, I could feel her hot breath on my cheek. Her nose was pressed against my hair. She started to nuzzle into it, her smile audible being so close to my ear. "You really do smell amazing Rachel."

How many times had she said my name tonight? It felt like too many but I hadn't grown tired of it just yet, so maybe I was wrong, maybe she hadn't said it enough.

I feel her lips suddenly on my cheek and I can't help but gasp. The second time I feel her lips they're trailing to the bottom of my jawline, and next thing I know they're on my neck. My breathing picks up like never before, and out of nowhere the throbbing between my legs is back, I hate that throbbing, and I hate her lips. I hate that this felt so good when it wasn't supposed to. I wasn't supposed to be feeling everything I was. At the very most I was supposed to be having fun, not actually falling for a girl that I technically barely knew anything about. This version of her anyways.

She stand suddenly, the ride apparently having ended. Taking my hand, holding it like we had when we first entered, Quinn led me back to the entrance, her pace much faster than it had been all night. "Quinn, why are we walking so fast?" I whine, stumbling over my own feet a little. I was still kind of dizzy from the Ferris wheel. Dizzy, dazed and overall confused.

At first she doesn't respond, just slows down a little and tries to calm her breathing. I watch her for a few more minutes before I lace our fingers, silently telling her that I wasn't freaking out. Not yet anyways. Or more like not enough to want to rush through this. "I still have to get you to the second half, and it's an hour long drive because Lima sucks." All I can do is nod and walk close to her. I want that comfort back again. I don't want this to turn awkward, it wouldn't be as much fun if turned awkward.

"So, my next surprise is somewhere outside of Lima, and it's an hour away. Thanks for the hint." I tease bumping my hip to hers.

She laughs and groans at the same time, a noise I found more appealing than I thought it could be. "You are unlike anyone I've ever met before you know that? You can manage to be the cutest pain in the ass ever and still get away with it."

I giggle beside her, trying to get closer than I was. I just, I felt compelled to get that same closeness I felt before the Ferris wheel, it was addicting.

She walked to the passenger door again, opening it for me just like before. "Any other hints you'd like to disclose before we part?" I ask teasingly. She rolls her eyes but the smile on her face tells me she doesn't mind it. She's actually amused with it.

Finn enters my head for the brief moment she isn't in the car. I still wasn't sure what was the proper emotion to feel, technically I hadn't cheated, this was still to get her into glee club again. I couldn't stop her from kissing me, and I hadn't actually asked for more because the ride stopped before I got the chance. So, technically I wasn't cheating.

Not yet.


	5. It Would Be A Lot to Run Away

I spent the car ride playing with my lion trying not to cry. I hadn't cheated. I hadn't but….I _wanted_ to. I _wanted_ to kiss Quinn; I wanted to have more days like this. I wanted to feel like this every day. Like I was plummeting through the air faster than I'd ever seen anything fall, having my heart beat faster than it ever had before, but I wasn't scared like I was when I fell for Finn. I didn't feel like she was about to run, she was so…_tactile_. She was here; right here, and with Finn, his body would be there, but not his mind.

A tear slipped out of one eye and I rushed to wipe it away. I couldn't ruin this. It was going so perfect, the best date I'd ever been on really. My heart was on a rollercoaster, going from beating like crazy, to stopping, to being normal, and then skipping a beat. And it was because of _Quinn_, not my own actual boyfriend. The boy I fought for since I met him in Glee Club. The boy that had made me feel pretty despite everything, the first boy that I felt actually see me.

Subconsciously I sniffled, forgetting for a second that Quinn was here. It was stupid but I just…I felt so comfortable here, like everything I did was okay, and it wouldn't be judged or ridiculed. I wouldn't get called a drama queen, not by her.

Her fingers lace through mine the second she hears it. "Hey, I can't keep my badass up if you start crying." She teases squeezing my hand slightly. I can't help but chuckle at her, she sounds like Puck, and oddly enough, it was just what I needed to hear to make me at least feel a little better. Sure, my heart still felt like it was crumbling, like it was being torn and hammered and just _destroyed_, but if anything her comment felt more friendly than romantic.

I loved that. Even though we were on a date, she had managed to be my friend as well, it was odd but she managed it. She was able to slip into that part easily, just because she knew I needed it.

Her hand leaves mine and falls back to the steering wheel. There's a brief silence before she speaks, and her words nearly kill me, "Do you want me to take you home instead? I know that it got intense back there."

"No, I want to know what's next." This wasn't true. Well, partially true, but mostly I just wanted to prolong this as much as possible. Once this night was over I was stuck to be alone, left with my thoughts tormenting me about how deep down I really did feel like I was cheating on Finn. Maybe not physically, but mentally? Definitely. I couldn't stop picturing how our first kiss would go, the end of the date kiss. It's how every date ended, I deserved this kiss. It would be sweet and romantic; it would be every cliché a first date kiss should be.

"Rachel, really if I'm making you uncomfortable then-"

"You're not." I scold, cutting her off. I hadn't meant to sound so urgent, but I _really_ couldn't let this end. Not yet, not while I was still feeling guilty. "I'm not uncomfortable, just…thinking." I offer still torn at what I wanted her to do. Half of me prayed she'd ask me to elaborate, the other half prayed she'd drop the whole thing, ignoring me for a moment before quickly changing the subject. It was one of Finn's best qualities. When he felt a topic had-no- I am _not_ going to do this to myself. Finn was nowhere to be seen, he wasn't here therefore he should not be in my thoughts the way he was. That was the easiest conclusion to come to. The easiest solution. Out of sight, out of mind.

"Well, when you feel like letting those thoughts spill everywhere, just let me know." She stated keeping her eyes glued to the road. I nibbled on my lip with a small nod. That sentence, however simple, was the perfect combination. She let me know she was going to be there to listen but was also letting me divulge on _my_ time. My heart felt incredibly heavy suddenly. Who could have known that Quinn could be such a wonderful girl to actually be with? Puck and Finn made her sound bitchy and difficult, but I couldn't see anything wrong with her. She had been absolutely amazing this entire time.

My eyes travel from her face to her arm, the bump of muscle on her bicep flexing as she turned the wheel with her one hand. Would it be weird to just touch? I wanted to feel it flex and bend, I wanted to feel it-I need to stop these thoughts. I hadn't even thought of anything bad exactly and already I could feel myself getting far too aroused. I shouldn't be feeling this aroused right now, she hadn't even _done_ anything.

But, god, just her skin, her muscles, her eyes, her voice. Everything was stimulating about her, how could I not feel at least the slightest bit of anything with her hair looking wild the way it was. How had I not noticed how alluring she was before? Sure I always found her beautiful, but alluring had never been a word I'd used to describe her, and now it seems to be the only one.

"We're almost there," Her voice husked and I nearly fell limp against my seat. Partly in anticipation, partly in fear, partly in dread, but mostly in arousal. I couldn't help it; she needed to stop talking like that. The low rumble of her voice, it was doing things to me, it was making my stomach flip and churn and curl. It was completely _unhinging me_.

Upon realizing that I could now see where we were and what the second half of my surprise was, I looked past her to the window, seeing hoards of people walking by, the beige sand, and the waves crashing against the shore, I couldn't hear it yet but my brain instantly put the swooshing sound the water created once it hit the sand. I wondered if my heart sounded similar when Quinn made it flutter. It felt the same, like it was crashing, then cascading away, flowing backwards to return and crash again.

"The beach?" I ask.

"Yeah, but first we eat. And no worries, I cooked," She paused putting the car in park once she found a spot and furrowed her eyebrows. "Or well, maybe you should worry, I've never cooked before, but I didn't think I'd be able to get you vegan food here." She rambled as my heart melted, spilling through my entire body. She was just…perfect. No one's ever cared enough to go through this much trouble just for me.

"You didn't have to," I whisper watching her get out of the car.

She bounces on her feet when she jumps down, spinning excitedly to look at me before saying, "Rachel, I'm trying to woo you. Cooking is a huge part of that if movies have taught me anything."

My body went limp again; I was not going to survive this night. How was she able to do this, make me react like this? I felt like I was going insane, and I was melting repeatedly, over and over just by her words. "Rach?" I turn to see my car door open already, her palm out, prepared to help me out like a gentleman.

Somehow as I turn my body, readying myself to leave the car, I had gotten lost in her eyes, the pool of Hazel drawing me in like a moth to a flame. "Touch me,"

…That was supposed to stay in my head. That was not ever supposed to be said out loud, ever. But she smiles, her cheeks turn a light shade of pink and she steps up on the side truck step, leaning her face close into mine. "I'm going to kiss you," she ghosts against my lips, and I can't help it, I tremble. My heart sinks and soars at the same time, it beats both fast and slowly, melts and freezes.

"Please," The words slip past my lips, escaping with such ease I almost wondered if I did actually want her to hear these things. All of it. I wondered if deep down I wanted her to know all my desires and wants.

Her reaction is something I'd never expect, she moans, just slightly, but still, she moans, eyes closed, lips parted. Her tongue darts out to dampen them, and I can hear her breathing quicken, I need her to kiss me, I need her to do it now. "Quinn," I call, eyes falling shut like hers. "Kiss me." I was no longer begging, I was _demanding_ her to kiss me.

I feel her body fall forward, and her lips land on my neck and I fall back the second I feel them. Every muscle gives out the second those soft lips land on me and I can hear her chuckle, but I also feel her follow, her hands landing on either side of my waist, legs stretching up as far as they could to reach my neck again.

We're angled oddly, my lower back leaning against the center console uncomfortably, and my neck is lulled back completely, allowing her full access to everywhere. She can take everything, whatever she wants she can have, so long as she kisses me like this forever. Her lips tickle my skin as they travel south, pressing against the curve where my neck meets my shoulder, and then her fingers are pulling at my shirt, lips pressing at the newly exposed skin. I want her to lick, to suck, I want her to do everything to me and I'm only slightly embarrassed by it. I'm only slightly embarrassed because it just feels so damn good.

"Oh God," I sigh, feeling her newly open mouthed kisses trail back up to my neck again. I want her hands everywhere, I want her body on mine, I just _want_. A purely animalistic kind that I almost fear.

She pulls back slowly, hearing my previous breathy comment. "Too much?" She asks eyes suddenly as gentle as ever.

I throw my head back and groan loudly. "You are just…ugh….so…frustrating! God!" I'm realizing that although my body isn't moving, inwardly, I'm writhing against her. I'm dying for her to do those things again; she needs to do them again now. But she doesn't, she just pulls my body up from its limp position by tugging on my wrist.

"Are you sure you're just not sexually frustrated?" She teases.

But I'm nowhere near in the mood for her teasing right now, "Of _course_ I'm sexually frustrated! How could I not be after that?! Not to mention you didn't _actually_ kiss me!" I watch her eyebrow quirk, and a small smirk play on her lips before she's leaning in again, causing my breath to quicken instantly.

"Do you have any idea what you do to me?" I shiver under her, her body still towering over me from standing on the truck step. "But, kisses on the lips are reserved for the end of the night."

"You're annoying."

"You're beautiful." At this I freeze and look up, meeting her gaze with what I'm guessing is my most shocked face I've ever held. Hearing that coming from Quinn Fabray, it's not possible, I must have heard wrong. But the blush that practically matches her hair is telling me otherwise.

"You _have_ to kiss me after _that."_ I whine shutting my eyes tight.

I feel her face close to mine again and my expression relaxes, I can literally smell her breath, it's rather minty. However her lips do not connect with mine, instead they stay lingered exactly there, testing my will power that I thankfully do have. "Tease," I mumble feeling her pull away.

She laughs a rib rattling laugh, actually holding her stomach as she drops back down to the ground. I huff, following suit wishing I could storm off, but that wish is quickly withdrawn when I feel her fingers lace through my own. But this isn't enough, not after I've felt her lips like I just had.

She leads me to the back of her truck, opening the bed door to let me climb up. She 'helps me' by using her hands to push me up, by my butt. I'm only thankful she didn't squeeze, I'm not sure I'd have been able to stop myself from jumping her if she did that. "So, it isn't much," she states clambering in after me. "But, I'm new to cooking and vegan food, so I hope you'll go easy on me." I can't help but smile at her as she pulls a cooler to her, placing out various Tupperware casings. She's so nervous, it's entirely endearing.

The bed of the truck is lined with blankets, making it slightly more comfortable than I was sure it would have been without them. There were a few pillows strewn around as well and a part of me wondered if we'd be stargazing, how wonderful would that be, to just look up at all of them.

We eat comfortably, teasing each other on things that had been said in the past few hours, laughing at random jokes. It was nice, it was perfect actually, and for the first time I didn't feel a single twinge of guilt; I was too happy to feel guilty. My heart was swelling with joy; nothing could break this, not yet anyways. "So, would you like to know?" Quinn asks out of the blue. We hadn't spoken in a while, just admiring the waves crashing gently against the shore, listening to the crowds of people laughing and shouting. I quirk my brow at her, silently asking her to elaborate.

Her fingers dance against the back of my hand, trailing lightly over my knuckles until she takes it and flips it over, running her nails over the skin like she had on the Ferris wheel. I suck in as much air as I can, having felt my lungs collapse. "What you do to me, Rachel, do you want to know?"

"I imagine it's only half of what you're doing to me right now," I whisper, a part of me hoping she didn't hear what I had just said. Unfortunately she does, and she giggles, pecking my cheek.

She doesn't tell me what I do to her, rather she shows me. She brings my palm up to her chest and presses it against her shirt. My face flushes, knowing that my hand was basically over half her breast. But that clearly isn't what she wants me to feel, what she wants me to feel is her heart beat, going crazy in its chamber. It's pounding out a beat that I could only imagine would be in 6/8 time. It made my fingers tingle, and my brain go fuzzy. "I do this?" I whisper in astonishment.

She glances to her watch and smiles before she nods. "Yeah, and you do that." Suddenly her hand is pointing out towards the water where I hear a loud boom and next thing I know fireworks are exploding in the sky, the first one red, the next green, and then purple, and after that, gold. "I see fireworks when I touch you Rachel," She says against my hair, nuzzling it as I watch the firework show in amazement.

"That's…not possible. I can't do that to you." She hums, nods, nuzzles further and kisses my earlobe. "You can't do that!" I groan falling sideways, but she's right there falling with me, body landing right in front of mine, giggling like an idiot.

"And why not?"

I huff, blowing my bangs off my forehead for a brief moment. "Because it drives me insane." Her fingers dance on my skin where my shirt has lifted slightly at my belly.

"Yeah?" She's teasing again, finger going just barely under my shirt, then back down, now adding her whole hand, running it to my waist. I feel my stomach give under her touch, quivering with each passing stroke. I can honestly say I've never been touched like this before. Not even during one of Finn and I's make out sessions. He never toyed with me like this, and although a part of me was entirely grateful, an even bigger part wished he had.

"Stop," I breathe, feeling my chest starting to heave already. Heave with pain and complete frustration.

Again she's giggling, only now she's running her hands through my hair, causing me to feel incredibly tired. "You're missing the fireworks."

"I can see them in my peripheral vision, besides, I like this view better."

It was corny, but her smile makes me smile, and I can't stop myself, I raise my hand to trace her jawline, letting my fingers run over her cheek, and then fall through her hair. "Will you kiss me now?"

"Are we at your house?"

"Yes, but you hit your head at the beach so you might be a little delusional." Again she laughs the rib-rattling laugh, rolling to her back, eyes squinting tight. I let her ride it out, wait until she calms down until I pull at her waist, telling her to roll back to facing me. My fingers are on her jaw line once more and I try again, what can I say, I'm stubborn. "Kiss me, Quinn."

"I will," she promises leaning in to peck my nose.

"Now, kiss me now."

"Well, someone's eager to mess up my perfect date."

"It'd be more perfect if you would just _kiss me_."

Her eyes are shining with the moonlight, the stars reflecting in them just as bright. She amazes me with how gorgeous she's capable of being. "What are you going to name it?" she blurts.

What?

"What?"

"The lion, what are you going to name her?"

Was she serious right now? "How about, Ms. I'm-too-stubborn-to-kiss-the-girl-I-asked-out-on-a -date-because-I'm-being-a-tease-and-not-just-givin g-in-to-the-girl-I've-been-staring-at-all-night." She scoffs and nibbles on her lip, eyes falling to mine for a brief second.

"I don't like it, it's much too long."

My face falls. "I hate you." Her mouth opens to only snap close, cheeks now a burning shade of red and I feel my stomach flip about a hundred times. She was going to say I love you. She was going to say it! Did she mean it? Or was it just a playful thing and she knew that it'd be the wrong thing to say if she didn't mean it? Oh God, my head, too much spinning, everything was just whirling around far too quickly. I was struggling to identify if the booming was the fireworks or if my heartbeat had managed to reach that volume.

"We should watch the show; I kind of had this planned differently." She admits sitting up.

"Yeah," I say pushing myself up reluctantly, I liked our previous arrangements, they were more comfortable, I wasn't able to feel all the blood rush from my face after her lack of words. "And how exactly did you have this planned?"

She smiles lightly, eyes doing the 'look through the lashes' very well. "I was supposed to sit, leaning against the back of the bed with you in between my legs watching in amusement at the light show, while I placed kisses where ever I felt."

How did she exist? No really, how was it possible for her to be real?

"But not on the lips?"

"No," she smiles.

"Tease," I grumble again, moving to try and put us in that exact position she had wanted. "You had better keep your tongue in your mouth." I say when I feel her front pressed against my back.

I feel her chest vibrate as she hums and buries her face in my hair. She's smelling it again, clearly I could not swap shampoos ever again considering her affinity to it. "I surprisingly had a wonderful time tonight." I state matter-of-factly.

Her laugh is louder than it's ever been tonight, and as annoyed as I am with her, I can't help but giggle back. "Don't sound so surprised," she retorts, her head shaking side to side from behind me. I'm still able to tell she's smiling, not at all hurt by my Freudian slip. And I smile with her, happy that we can talk like this, that we can even sit like this. It's like she's a new person, a free person. She's stopped caring so much and is allowing herself to be exactly who she wishes to be. While I don't approve of the methods, I do approve of how it's affecting her. "Though I guess given your experience I can see why-"

"Don't." I shout squeezing both our laced fingers and her arm wrapped around my stomach.

"Sorry." She says sadly. I lift my head off her shoulder, sighing as I did so. Apparently we needed to talk about this before the date was even over. I didn't really want to; I just wanted to pretend life was this good for just a little bit longer. I wanted to pretend that this _was_ a real date. That Quinn _was_ my girlfriend, but the truth was she wasn't, and she might not ever be. It was her choice really, I'd be more than willing to call her mine, she was perfect, how could I deny her? But she could so easily deny me. She could so easily say no, she had a right to, I was a loser. Doomed to high school torment until this year was over. And to have to face Finn with all of this. He was far more sensitive than he liked to let on, the boy's emotions were more of a girls if anyone really paid close attention.

Could I break his heart and stomp on it by dating his ex-girlfriend? It sounded almost barbaric considering everything, and with his past, I couldn't rely on him not quitting Glee when we would need him most.

"Quinn," I start, vulnerability seeping from me now. "If you could have this end perfectly, how would it end? According to you how does this end to where it's the perfect happily-ever-after?"

I feel her thumb run against mine on my shoulder, a sign that she's in deep thought. I give her time though, I can wait to see if she's about to crush my heart or make it fly even higher.

"I don't think I should say."

My heart sinks, but I had to know. I needed to know what she wanted so I could figure out what to say to Finn. I couldn't just pretend this night hadn't ever happened. It'd be on my mind for years to come. There was no forgetting this. There was no forgetting how much I felt for her after only a few hours with her. "Please try," I beg, craning my neck to look at her. "Please."

She sighs and looks past me, eyes vaguely eyeing the firework show. "Just don't make fun of me afterwards," she grumbled, and to this I pecked her chin, reassuring her that I would never make fun of her about something so serious. My heart soars at the realization that this is the first kiss _I've_ initiated. I want to do it again; I want to continue, to show her I wanted to kiss her as much as she supposedly wanted to kiss me. But I need to hear what she has to say. For my sake, I need to know if I was about to break Finn's heart tomorrow. "I guess, in a perfect…no in _my_ perfect world you're in New York, on Broadway, fulfilling every dream of yours," for a second I'm worried she's dodging the bullet, avoiding answering the full truth by telling this portion of it. But her next sentence makes my world stop. It makes time slow and the sound disappear. All the sound but her voice. "While I'm home, taking care of…of our baby…or babies…and uh just…yeah…something along those lines."

I nearly beg her to tell me more, to tell me a full-blown story with us as the main characters. Who would the father be? What part of New York? What Broadway show? I needed to know more. However, I doubted Quinn would say much more than that, she wasn't great about sharing feelings. At least from my recollection she wasn't.

But it wasn't fair, it wasn't fair of her to say all that and not expect me to want more. I release her hand, wiggle myself loose, and turn to face her, body still surrounded by her legs. "Well, what would happen this week? Perfectly, in your world, what would happen?" My eyes fall to her lips, I _could_ just steal my kiss now, but I don't dare interrupt her. I don't dare give her an excuse not to talk.

"I uh, guess in a perfect world by the end of the week, we'd be, you know, dating. But I know that's farfetched and probably never-"

"No, I need you to tell me in detail, starting from this minute right now, how the rest of this week should go if you were to have your way." I say ignoring her doubtfulness at our near future. It was happening; she didn't need a reason to doubt it. If she would have me I'd let her call me hers, so long as I could openly call her mine as well.

She looks at me dumbfounded, jaw lax, eyes wide, brow quirked. But I need to know. I _have_ to know. "Um, well, for starters, you and I finish watching the fireworks, if it isn't over by the time whatever is happening right now is. Then I'd take you home, give you your goodnight kiss," she stops for a second, taking a moment to think it through. "Somehow I'll manage to get lost in your eyes, which means I'll just stand there like an idiot staring at you creepily. When you wake me from my zombie state then we'll kiss. I'll say goodnight, and see you in Glee club.

"The next morning I'll walk in, all smiles, pink out of my hair because the whole car ride all I could think about was what you said. Finn would sit in the corner all pouty because you'll have broken up with him, and the rest of the week we figure out if we're dating or not and if we tell the glee club or not."

Nothing has amazed me more than this moment right here. I'd never seen or heard Quinn be so open about something in her life. I could steal this kiss, I really could, but what I couldn't do was kill one of her fantasies. Clearly she was firm on wanting to kiss me at the end of the date, and as badly as I just wanted to kiss her now, I could wait just a little longer. I could wait for her.

"And would you want to? Tell the Glee club that is."

Her voice is soft, and almost distant, as if she's thinking as she answers. "I think so, yeah. I'd like to show off that I can be a good girlfriend."

I wouldn't steal it. I would not steal her fantasy kiss. But, GOD, her words were so much, almost too much for me to handle right now. "And-And you'd want to be my girlfriend?"

"I've wanted to be your girlfriend since junior year, it just took me a while to realize it."

Oh I was dizzy, my head had never felt so heavy before. But I won't steal it, I simply won't. Not unless she caved first. "Please Quinn, just kiss me. Please."

"Have some patience, Rachel."

"Quinn," I'm whining again, but I don't care, I need her to cave, I need her to kiss me. "Please. Just one kiss. I need you." My second low blow of the night, but I was about to do anything to get what I wanted.

"If I kiss you now, it won't just be one kiss." She admits, pecking my cheek. I hated those pecks.

I'm lying of course, but couldn't she just kiss me already?! "Fine," I pout turning back around, getting situated all over again. "Tell me more about this perfect life again."

Quinn's body shifts behind me, squirming slightly before she speaks. "You sure you want to hear about it?"

"Mhm, everything."

"Alright well, after we move to New York, and start moving in to our apartment, we finally get the bed made up, and naturally we break that in first." She stops, no doubt wondering if I understood where this was going. I knew very well where this was going, I knew she was toying with me because I had said I wanted to hear 'everything'. But I played dumb, actually wanting to hear more. Yes, it was terrible and so very unlady-like but I no longer cared.

"What do you mean? 'Break in the bed' like we'd take a nap?" I can hear her smirk as she buries her face in my hair again. I'm beginning to think it's a favorite of hers.

She scoffs and I'm positive that she's rolled her eyes by now. I'd smile if I wasn't so completely content at the moment. The silence gets me to notice that she's trying to stall, the fireworks have finished, there are zero distractions and yet she has not picked the conversation back up.

"Quinn, continue. You've peaked my interest, I want to hear it all."

She groans, her arms leaving my waist to bury her face in her palms. "This is embarrassing."

I have half the nerve to use her new persona against her. To say, 'I thought badass Quinn would have more guts than this.' But I don't I'd rather not force her to humiliate herself. "It's not embarrassing, you're just telling me what you'd hope to see in the future. For instance, which of us has the first kid?"

To my surprise Quinn answers without hesitation. "I do." It takes me blinking a few times to actually ask why. "Because you'll be focusing on your Broadway career still, and as of right now I'm not sure I know what I'm going to do, so I'll probably be taking classes online, while taking care of our baby."

"Boy or girl?" I ask almost immediately.

"Boy, hopefully, I'm not sure how I'd handle another girl."

"Who's the dad?"

"Not Finn."

My body curls forward with how hard I laugh. I'm sure I've caught half the people's attention on the beach, but her tone was so firm and angry. I couldn't help but find it endearing. "Okay, who would be mom and who would be mommy?"

"That'd be up to the kid."

"Christmas or Hanukkah?" This was probably one of my trickier questions. I was almost hell-bent on raising my children in the Jewish faith, it was important to me, something I felt I shared with both my dad's instead of just one. And if she was hell-bent on raising them Catholic, then this conversation should just end now.

"We'll fight about this a lot, at first I'll want Christmas, because it's all I've ever known. My best memories are about going out with my parents and cutting down the Christmas tree, decorating it while my mom baked cookies. It's a memory I cung to whenever my family was falling apart, or dad began to drink. I won't be able to see my kids' childhood without that. Something to hold on to for hope when things look dark," She pauses a moment to place a chaste kiss to my cheek, then just behind my ear. "But, being the cheat you are, you'll find a way to convince me to let them be raised in the full Jewish faith."

"I don't want to take that away from you though." I mumble. It was amazing, I felt guilty for something I hadn't even done yet. But it was true; it would be just like me to trick Quinn into going my way. It's something I would definitely do. But I wouldn't. I refused to do that to her. "Maybe we could get a tree, we could like, have it there and decorate it. The Jewish faith would still be there but you could have your tree, and I could bake vegan cookies while you and our kids decorate the tree."

"Christ Rachel," This time I know I hadn't done anything to enlist such a reaction form the blonde. I was barely touching her other than her arms, and my eyes were looking out at the display, the smoke from the grand finale hovering in the air still. "You're getting my hopes up, talking about a family with me."

Oh.

That's what she meant. Clearly she wasn't expecting me to say _our_ kids. But I wanted a family; and possibly with her. I know, I'm jumping the gun a bit, but I couldn't help but want a family with her after what she just said. How could anyone deny her a family? "I wouldn't mind this scenario." I admit, stroking her arms lightly, watching the goose bumps form on them as my fingers pass over the skin. "Keep talking. Tell me more."

Her lips are behind my ear again, then on the back of my neck, the back of my head, then my cheek, and finally my hair covered ear. "Rachel, I don't even think my heart can handle any more of this right now."

"What do you mean?" Her voice sounds much heavier now than before, and I swear I hear her sniffle slightly. Why was she crying? I don't understand how this moment is a sad one?

"I mean I feel like my hearts going to explode with how full it feels." Her lips are on my neck again, placing chaste kisses here and there. "Do you mean all of this? I mean, I know you love Finn, but, you really mean this? Right now?"

How was I supposed to respond to that? I did mean it. I meant every word. And I wanted to promise those things to her, but could I? Could I promise her these things while still technically dating Finn? Hearing her sniffle again, and feeling her hands leave to wipe her face made my decision easier than one would have thought.

I turn again, face her fully, and for a second I feel myself leaning in, nearly kissing her full on the lips, but I stop myself and swerve to the side, landing on her cheek. My lips linger there, wishing so desperately that I had just kissed her. But I wouldn't take her fantasy, I'd be furious if someone stole one of mine. "I mean it. I may not understand any of this, how it's happened, or even why it's happening now; but I do mean it Quinn. You're something I never thought even existed, something out of a script really. All night I've felt like I've been living some sort of romantic film where everything works out in the end, and that is what you're speaking about. You're giving me your happily ever after and it's one that I can so easily agree to." For some reason she looks like her heart is breaking, her tears are flowing more freely now and I can't help but wonder what I've said wrong. She was confusing the hell out of me right now. "What's wrong? What did I say?" I ask frantically, using my thumbs to wipe away her tears.

She just shakes her head again, looking away from me, and purses her lips. I watch her wipe her face and swallow hard before she speaks. "You didn't say anything wrong. You've said everything I've wanted to hear, ever. But it's terrifying. Now I have something to lose again." She admits in a whisper, taking in a shaky breath.

I lean in again, kissing her now moist cheek. "Tell me about our wedding." I whisper. "How big is it? Are you going to wear a dress? Is our little boy born before or after it?" My kisses travel to her jaw after I question her, the only way I know of calming her.

"Rachel." it's breathy, like she's not so much calling my name, but confirming that I'm the one there with her. Her head turns back to me, eyes pink from her tears, matching the color of the tip of her nose. I peck it gently, smiling as I pull away. I was showing her that I wanted this; that I wasn't pulling away. By being the one to initiate the kissing, and pecking, I felt as though I was proving to her that I wasn't going anywhere. "The show is over, and I have to get you home."

"We have an hour left!" I pout, sitting back on my legs, folded under my body.

She chuckles lightly, not the low seductive one from earlier but still just as arousing. "I have to get you home," she says her voice light like the old Quinn I knew. She raises her hand and plays with my hair for a moment before it falls to my upper arm, tugging gently to pull me back to her. "because I need to kiss the daylights out of you." Her lips land on my nose, then my forehead, and my cheek. But the last kiss, it's almost magical, she places it so just the corners of our lips touch, just barely but I can feel them, and all I can think is how badly I want more.

My entire face lights up, my face aches from how fast my smile spread and how wide it had become so easily. Without saying another word I'm following her out of the bed of the truck, rushing to the front of the car, and hopping in and throwing my seat-belt on. Even though she's still outside I can hear her laugh. "You are too adorable for your own good, you know that?" She says to me as she starts the car up to leave.

I don't bother with responding to her, I'm barely able to think with how much buzzing there is in my brain right now to come up with coherent sentences. I felt foolish, like a child on their way to get ice-cream or heading off to Disney World or something.

The car ride felt longer than before, granted it was an hour long drive but it still felt like days. Like each minute was an hour long itself. I looked over to Quinn, suddenly feeling a rush of mixed emotions. Fear of how tomorrow will go, fear over what to say to Finn, depression that tonight was actually coming to an end, and overjoyed that my life felt so…bright again. Overjoyed that it felt like I had something more than my voice; that I was living for something more than Broadway. I had a bigger purpose now because of Quinn, the girl that was sitting quietly in her seat. I play with my fingers waiting for her to say something but it never comes, she doesn't make a single sound. And it only makes every emotion come to a head at nervous.

Upon looking at her again I notice she's a little _too_ concentrated on the road, eyes narrow in a small squint as I watch her chest move slowly but unevenly. "Are you nervous?" I ask tentatively, knowing that the Quinn I once knew would run off at the accusation. But would this Quinn? This mixture of old and new?

Her head whips to mine and our eyes meet, for a moment I'm worried that she'll forget she's driving and we'll swerve off the road and die before we can even be together. But her focus returns to the road, and I watch her skin to peach to pink, to red. "No." She answers blandly, her lips now a firm line, face impossible to read.

I return to toying with my fingers, trying to stop myself from thinking about Finn, trying to stop myself from thinking about anyone at all. Now I'm the one nervous, and not because of the kiss, but because of everything to come afterwards. Because everything was going to be so complicated after tonight. Finn's reaction, Glee Club's reaction, everyone could judge me for this and I couldn't stop them. A part of me was judging myself even. How could I have done this to a boy that gave up as much as he had with his girlfriend and his life of football? What had I given up for him?

Nothing came to mind immediately, and that only made me feel worse.

Slowly I began to slump in my seat, afraid Quinn would notice but praying she'd think I was pouting about not having gotten kissed earlier.

I knew she was smarter than that though.

Even if she's refusing to speak at this moment. Though why I don't understand, everything had felt so natural tonight. But now it's as if there was some sort of blockage between us. A wall that had built itself in the span of fifteen minutes. It could have just been nerves on both sides, the idea was completely implausible. But it could be more, it all could have been an act, it all could have been a joke and I was only returning home to see have the Cheerio's standing out front of my yard to watch, point and laugh as Quinn plants a kiss on me. Deep down I know it's foolish thinking, she wouldn't do something like that but I can't help the panic that forms in me. I can't help but question myself, question her. Because it doesn't make sense that she actually wants to be with me. Her hand comes down and laces through my own, showing me everything I needed to know. It was all in my head. She wanted this, she had to. Please don't let this be some game to her. Please.

Before I know it we're at my house, and the sudden dread I feel overwhelms me. I was going to have to explain to my dad's everything that happened. I was going to need to give them details that I wasn't ready to give. Before tonight I didn't even know I was _actually _questioning my sexuality. But one night with a girl…no, one night with _Quinn_ and I was head over heels for her.

I watch her leave the car, and this time I stall at taking my seat-belt off, expecting her to come to my door. She does, and with a shy smile on her face she opens the door, yet again holding out her hand for me. Gracefully I take it, and step outside the car, careful not to fall and humiliate myself.

We walk in silence, a weird awkwardness somehow having fallen over us. But it wouldn't feel like a real date without the first kiss jitters. I'm actually appreciative of the movie worthy scene. And as if playing on this feeling Quinn speaks what is almost always spoken at this point in the movie. "I had a great time tonight."

I giggle and look off to the side at the neighbors, my smile starting to hurt my cheeks. "Me too," I state, my voice barely audible. She takes a step closer to me, her eyes doing this nervous dart-wherever-Rachel-isn't thing and it melts my heart for the hundredth time that night. She's standing in front of me now, body not towering over me like before, she's really not that much taller than I am, maybe by an inch or two. Her hand comes to my chin, just like it had when she'd asked me on this date just a few days ago.

Just a few days ago I was standing under the bleachers with her, in front of the skanks, and she was pecking my forehead. I was convinced it was a prank then, but I know it's real now.

Her body leans forward slightly, taking her time to further play out the scene. She knew me all too well.

I lean my head up, readying myself for her kiss, my heart beating faster than I've ever known it to, and finally, without any warning, our lips brush, and I lose every breath I have in my lungs. It wasn't even a full kiss; just a silly little brush and already I could feel myself losing my mind. I could feel the low tingles and could hear the pounding of my heart. She leans in further the second time; both our lips parted now, and takes my bottom lip in her own. My knees go weak instantly.

I have to place my hand to her hip and step forward just to catch myself, but I don't dare let that stop this kiss.

"What…" his voice comes out from shadows on my families porch. My body pulls completely away from Quinn faster than a rocket, and I turn to him with my fingers touching my tingling lips.

The guilt hits, harder than I thought it would have. "Rachel," Finn calls out, his voice actually cracking. I don't think he caught sight of who I was with, but if he took just a few steps further he'd see possibly the last person he wanted to see.

"Finn…"


	6. It's More Than I Can Bear

**A/N: A shorter installment than the last two chapters, sorry guys. I do want to take the time to tell you all that there is a pretty damn great supernatural/Faberry fic out there called By Darkest Day written by Shortcookie73 that I think you all should take a look at!**

**FaberryOTP: I'm glad you still like it! (And glad you remembered the old fic too!) Also very happy that you still read after all of my fuckery lol**

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Finn's oversized stature still towered over Quinn and I both, his eyes staring angrily at me. Angrily and hurt. I couldn't stop myself from crying, it was careless of me to think that things would be as easy as we'd hoped. Real life didn't always have happily ever afters, real life didn't have good conquering evil all the time. Real life sucked, and in this moment life was possibly a greater torment to me than my years in high school.

He hadn't spoken a word since calling my name, nor had he moved. In fact, the lack of anything was quite possibly what frightened me the most, the fact that no one was saying anything. The unpredictability of it all. I didn't know what was going to happen next, I couldn't even imagine what, not with the way Finn was looking at me.

He looked as if he wanted to speak, but he simply couldn't. Lips parted briefly, only to shut tightly as he rose a hand to ruffle his hair and turn away from Quinn and I.

I still wasn't sure if he'd actually seen her face; she was sticking to the shadows quite well. And I knew it wasn't to hide, or to run, it was just better. Better for the both of us. If Finn saw that I had been kissing Quinn, the rage that he currently felt would only explode, and I couldn't exactly tell if he'd be past breaking some of my fathers' patio furniture.

The silence was almost becoming deafening, how it was possible was beyond me. I could hear ringing from how quiet it was. Not even a single cricket chirping, or frog croaking; as if life itself stopped breathing to watch this all unfold. To watch a part of my life unfold.

"I can't believe you," Finn finally whispered.

And I was left speechless. I couldn't apologize, I simply couldn't. I wasn't sorry for kissing Quinn. I wasn't sorry for all that had happened. I was only sorry that he had found out the way he did. I was sorry for being caught, an apology like that would only make the boy more furious no doubt. "I can't believe…again. First Puck and now…now some idiot guy you probably don't even know?"

He couldn't look at me, his voice wasn't angry and he couldn't look at me. He was hurt. He was shattered.

I had broken Finn Hudson, in a way I never once intended to or ever thought was possible. And still I couldn't find the words to say, of course, even if I had I doubted he'd let me say them.

I didn't have an explanation, I didn't have an apology, I had nothing but my silence. "How could you do this to me, to us? How could you just throw that away?"

I still didn't have any answers.

Up until this evening Finn and I were perfect for each other. We may not have wanted the same things, but we fit together somehow. I had blissfully agreed to make it work somehow, to finish Senior year with him and now it had all been broken. Broken because I found out what perfect meant, and it was nowhere near what Finn and I had. Not even close.

My eyes dart down in shame as I can clearly see his first tear fall down his cheek. He's broken and I didn't know if anyone could fix him. I didn't know if it would even be possible.

The small crunching behind me tells me that Quinn's moving, and it's only when I look up that I know why. Finn's slowly beginning to pace, struggling with accepting what he just saw. Struggling to manage standing with such a broken heart. "After everything we've been through, after all we've done you want to just throw it away? You want to just…give it up?!" His voice rose as he spoke, pacing increasing. Even his hands were beginning to become more and more animated, moving as he spoke and rummaging through his hair. It wasn't until I saw both meaty palms tear into his hair that I truly winced, his temper rising as his mind dealt horribly with what I'd done to him. "I'm done with you! With everyone, just…screw everyone!" He shouted, grabbing something off the patio table before finally moving forward and past me; he threw something to the ground, shoving a portion of his body into mine as he walked past. As I looked I saw it was a small bouquet of flowers. There was a card, but I didn't care to know what it said right now. I didn't want to read it, I knew it'd only make me feel worse.

Even as he walked off with a heavy heart, Finn looked back, checking to see if I hadn't fallen down or gotten hurt in any way he may have caused. And that's what killed me. The fact that he still cared enough to check, even if he did keep on walking.

At the sound of voices and yelling, my father popped his head out from the door. The amount of worry written on his face would have been funny if everything hadn't been so horrible.

My eyes move to Quinn as dad asks if everything is alright. She finally steps from the shadows, moving in towards me without a sound. When the moonlight finally shows her face, she's biting her lip, looking overly nervous at me. "I'll make up for that." She promises, and it actually got me to smile. Not one of my over-the-top ones naturally, but enough of a grin that she returns one.

"I feel like I should be the one that makes up for that, not you."

She simply shakes her head no, waves to my father, and tells me goodnight with a squeeze to my hand. I'm not sure how, but that alone gives me enough comfort to walk to my patio and greet my father. He's still very confused, and no doubt going to want to know everything, but I didn't have the energy right now. I needed a cup of tea and a change of clothes before any of that happened. I needed to be covered in my most comfortable belongings before I could go through the whirlwind of emotions that this night held for me.

From Quinn to the Ferris wheel, to the beach, and to Finn…tonight could rival a Spanish soap opera.

He does listen though, hanging off of every word as if he's reading one of his romance novels he pretends he doesn't own. He listen's to everything I have to say, every single detail I feed him. And all he does is smile and nod, all he does is watch the emotions roll over me all over again; even as I begin to cry thinking about how horrible I felt for Finn finding out the way he did.

At this he simply fishes me a glass of water and walks me up to my room for bed. He even sits with me for some time like he used to when I was little. It brings a small comfort and not before long I notice myself getting drowsy, no doubt worn from the night. I still couldn't seem to decide if it was a good night or not. If everything had been worth it or if I should have gone with a different tactic to get Quinn back in glee.

But as my eyes flutter close I can't stop the small even grin that came to my face. Tonight, despite everything, was possibly the most alive I've felt all year. Probably for the past year and a half if I was being honest. And for tonight, that made it worth it. As painful as it was, it was worth feeling alive again.

However, alive was the furthest thing I felt waking up the next morning. Sleep evaded me all night, and I was fairly certain someone had swapped my mattress out with one made of rocks. Tossing and turning wasn't even the worst part of it all, the utter fear I had going to school the next day was enough to wish I had died. At least I would have died having had a somewhat wonderful night.

Too dramatic? Most likely.

I had even attempted to act sick when my fathers' woke me up. A plan that failed the moment they saw me. "Do you feel a fever, Leroy?" Dad asked in slight concern knowing that if I was lying about being sick, it was something serious.

Unfortunately, daddy had been told everything about last night. A poor judgment call on my part.

"She's fine, don't let her fool you. Come on, we're going to be late."

My knuckles were white with my current grip on my backpack strap; nerves making me nearly shake in the passenger side seat. I had no desire to be anywhere near this building or the people in it.

Perhaps my fear of seeing Quinn wasn't exactly called for, but I was afraid that maybe things had changed. Maybe, from the time she left to now (a perfectly allotted time for her to have come to her senses) she changed her mind about it all. Though it seemed unlikely with the way Quinn spoke about our future, the fear was still very real.

From the moment I entered the building I could feel the air was different. It was tense, and terrifying. Every step I took I felt I might run in to someone I really didn't want to see. Though I wouldn't be opposed to Quinn I wouldn't know what to say to her. Not until I saw she still wanted all she promised me.

And as far as Finn, well that was a battle I wasn't quite ready to face. I couldn't look at him here, not when I had seen how broken he'd been last night. Not after everything. He'd never admit to crying, but he couldn't hide how hurt he looked last night. He couldn't hide how much pain he was so clearly in that night.

Surprisingly enough, I'm able to make it to my locker without passing either one. And it wasn't until I began collecting my books for the day that anyone even approached me.

"You," Kurt's voice was stern, his finger adding to the firmness in his voice. "You have some serious explaining to do."

Of course he knew. Kurt knew everything. And he was Finn's stepbrother. How much had the boy said exactly? "What all do you know?"

"That my stepbrother came in slamming doors, crying, and throwing a glass against the wall last night. He was pissed, Rachel. Small school furniture is one thing but my second grade graduation cup didn't deserve that kind of abuse."

I could definitely picture the scene Kurt gave to me, Finn throwing another tantrum. But that didn't give away anything else. None of what Kurt said linked me to anything just yet. "And what makes you think I have anything to do with his horrible temper?" I ask, ducking my head in an attempt to escape the fashionable boy. Sadly, he follows suit.

"Well, my first clue was when he said he 'couldn't believe Rachel was doing this again.' And then moved on to say how selfish you were. I don't think he moved from the couch all night." At the thought, Kurt's nose scrunched up slightly, his pace slowing only slightly.

I don't much notice any actions after that, a small glimpse of pink having caught my eye. Quinn's across the hall, walking to class. She has her typical face of indifference on until our eyes lock. And it's then that they immediately soften. "Uhm, Kurt…now isn't the time. Actually I don't think any time will be the right time to have this conversation." I brush him off, keeping my eyes locked to Quinn's even as I continue on towards my class; somehow managing to only bump into one person on the way.

The moment I find my desk I can feel just how fast my heart's beating. I can feel the entirety of what exactly it is that Quinn does to me. And apparently Quinn Fabray causes mild panic attacks.

She should have come with a warning label.

Caution: Dating this person may lead to swooning, changing your entire life, increased heart rate, severe blushing, and mild panic attacks.

School drags on, every minute making me feel as if I was in some sort of secret ops film, avoiding my death after every corner. Each time I turned a hall I knew that I could come face to face with Finn Hudson, but the universe seemed to be on my side today, as the only glimpses I caught of him were the back of his head moving in the hall.

And it stays this way until the end of the school day. The moment where I know I can no longer avoid both Quinn and Finn. Instead I have to face them both at once. I have to see them in the same room, at the same time.

My eyes land on Finn first, his head moving up only because he could feel me watching him. I can see that he'd been crying recently.

To the right was Quinn, sitting on the complete opposite side of the room as Finn, her bag sitting in the seat beside her. Much like Finn, she only looks up from her novel when she can feel my eyes on her. The moment we lock gazes she moves her bag from the seat.

I was meant to take that seat. I was meant to be right next to her. She had a fantasy that I was so ready to fulfill. But Finn…sitting in the corner by himself with his bloodshot eyes…

Selfishness won out, and, though guiltily, I slowly made my way to the seat Quinn offered doing all I could to keep my eyes away from Finn. I didn't need to know what I'd done to him, I could see it plain on his face, from what Kurt had told me, from how he reacted last night. He loved me far more than I had realized. But I couldn't feel all that guilty, and it was horrible.

I didn't feel human for how little I cared about hurting him. Of course there was that natural empathy most people should feel in these situations, but there wasn't much more than that. We've been through a lot, some of it good but most of it bad. At this moment I could only remember the bad. "What are you reading?" my voice is above a whisper but only just. Fear of others hearing my conversation with Quinn after we'd had such an intimate night together wasn't something I really looked forward to.


	7. I Should've Looked Again

By the time the weekend rolls around I'm almost ready to collapse on the spot. Friday I had been avoiding any and all human contact. Kurt had been trying to snoop around for answers every moment he could, sneaking in subtle questions when he could to try and cheat his way in. By the third question I had grown annoyed beyond all recognition and stormed out of Glee just a few seconds before it had been dismissed.

Distantly I had heard him call after me, but ignored him all I could. Thinking back I probably should get used to this. I was going to Broadway, seeking fame which would of course only lead to people digging through my privacy. However that was for years to come, this was still my teen years where I wasn't expected to be giving out answers left and right. Some things were best kept private, though it didn't seem Kurt had the same mentally.

I'm sure a part of him was more so worried for mine and Finn's well-being, but his approach was quite awful.

A light tap at my door draws me out of the memories, and as I open my door I find myself not at all surprised to see Kurt standing on the other side. His sheepish smile appears, and before I can say anything he brings a small box of vegan friendly candies to my line of sight.

"Hey," his voice is timid as he steps in closer, eyes dropping to the box in his hands. "I don't really know if these are really all that great…but they were all I could find in the area."

"Thank you, though I don't know what the occasion is."

"An apology," Kurt answers bluntly, making his way into my room before sitting on my bed. "I've been a little insane with trying to figure it all out that I think I may have gotten on your nerves."

I smile even through my slight annoyance, and thank him once again before setting them on my desk. "You didn't have to come all the way over though, or buy me anything. A simple phone call would suffice."

With a shrug he looked around my room, inspecting it for anything new. "I know, but I thought the gesture would help it be more sincere. Driving isn't exactly a thrill of mine."

It really wasn't, Kurt hated driving. An irrational fear of car accidents did that to him, and if there was even the slightest chance of snow that day, you could expect to find him holed up in his room. "It's definitely appreciated."

"Have you been working on the assignment for Glee at all?" He asked, effectively changing the subject. And effectively kicking the air out of my lungs. I hadn't prepared anything this week. I was always first to perform, setting a bar for everyone to match just so they would start pulling their own weight even if only for a small assignment. I didn't even remember what it was this week!

"I haven't even started," I nearly wail, falling on my bed next to him. I'd been so wrapped up in everything I'd completely forgotten about everything. Homework, Glee, and working on my NYU essay. "I don't even remember what our assignment is."

Kurt's brow raises high, clearly not expecting me to be so careless and off this week. With the shock came even more curiosity, spiking it to a point that made his apology void. "What is going on with you? You're not acting like yourself, you're so distracted the one year we really can't be distracted. Ever since Tuesday you've been on edge and freaking out and now you and Finn…well I don't even know if you two are still together."

"Me either," I reply instinctively, sadness surrounding the words. I wasn't sad to be losing him as a boyfriend, it was more sad that I was losing our past together. While one can't exactly agree that we were great together they could agree that we had our moments. And those moments were wonderful. They were more than wonderful; they'd be something I missed for some time certainly.

With a groan Kurt turned to me and took my hands in his, his face showing just how frustrated he was. "Please, for the love of Marc Jacobs, tell me what happened. I can't stand sitting here and watching you so deep in thought and not know what's going on. Heck, I can't stand being home and watching Finn toss nearly half the cabinet around and not know what's going on. I'm your best friend, you can tell me anything. My lips are sealed, promise." He added the extra zipping motion as many little kids do, before pleading me with his eyes for more.

But I couldn't tell him. I simply couldn't tell him that I had cheated on a boy that wanted nothing but the best for me. Whether or not that boy always showed it well didn't matter. Finn tried his hardest when he could, and he always did his best to show me how much he cared. The more I continued to think about it, the more guilt I felt pile on. It's what made me hate Kurt for asking so much, the more he asked the more guilt was piled on, and the worse I felt. And the worse I felt the more I began to think this was all a ploy that Quinn did to watch me fall.

The only reason I was able to shake myself out of those thoughts was knowing…or more praying that someone couldn't be that cruel. Even with all Quinn had done in the past she would never do that to someone. Not after all she'd been through.

"I really don't want to talk about it," I sigh, standing to my feet and moving towards my bathroom to start making myself a little more pleasant looking. Starting with my hair I did all I could to avoid looking at Kurt through my peripheral vision. I knew exactly the face he'd have at this point and time, annoyance. He seemed to not understand that some people enjoyed their privacy, some people wanted to be left alone with their thoughts. Some people wanted to fix things themselves.

"Rachel, what is the big deal? We've told each other everything these past few months. You're the closest thing I have to a best friend that actually understands me fully. You don't get annoyed at my facial routines, or about my rants on fashion. You listen to each one and even try your best to put input." He stands to move in behind me, hands on his hips that are cocked to one side. "Can you please just confide in me so I can at least try and help you?"

With an uneasy sigh I place my brush back down on my vanity and turn to face him, toying with my fingers. I knew what this was. After glee had continued on there a few people that actually tried to make up for how they treated me. Puck was one of the first to apologize back in sophomore year when we had our brief dating experience. Kurt was starting mostly right now, trying to act like a true friend to her, and failing miserably in her opinion. She was grateful, just wished he had a better tactic for it all. And that he wouldn't get frustrated so easily.

"Why can't we just leave it be? This is my personal business, and if Finn hasn't told you then I definitely feel I shouldn't talk about it. Not yet. Not until Finn and I have an actual conversation about what's happened."

"I'm not asking you to spill you're life secrets, I'm just asking what happened to help! I'm trying to help you and you're just being annoying and stubborn about it all. You could at least give me something, anything to help you with, but instead you want to take it all in and ignore the fact that there are people here for you." His tantrum was close to one of Finn's he had earlier in the summer. And if it didn't hurt so much, I might have smiled stupidly.

"Not everyone is comfortable sharing their issues if they haven't spoken to the person those issues are with. I get you're trying to help, but that doesn't exactly mean anything to me at the moment. You're pushing when I have asked you to stop multiple times already. Now, I'd like to get back to doing research on NYU and to come up with my glee assignment if you don't mind." I spoke with as much sincerity as I could muster, my calm tone not at all reflecting what I felt inside. Truthfully I was a mess, an utter wreck under the surface. I felt horrible for what I'd done, but most of all angry that Kurt wouldn't let it go. That he wouldn't stop reminding me of everything. Not so much the guilt I felt this time, but the lack of guilt I felt during the date. The justifying I'd done to twist things my way.

It isn't long before Kurt leaves with a small hint of exasperation. And soon after he left my fathers' had come to check up on me, to which I assured them I was fine. Which I was mostly, and I had plenty of distractions if I ever began to feel too much. My glee assignment being on the top of that list.

However as I move to my desk, opening my notebook to a fresh page of paper, I realize Kurt never did give me the actual assignment for this week.

With a long groan I lull my head back against the seat, nearly falling out of it completely when my phone goes off. The front screen lights up the name Quinn, and an odd mix of a smile and frown traces my features.

"Hello," I answer, toying with a few of the bedazzled jewels on the back of the phone. I may have changed a few things about myself through the years, but no one could remove my bedazzled phone from my life.

"Hey, Rachel." My heart begins to pick up just at the sound of her voice, and I don't even try to stop the small smile that begins to appear on my face steadily.

My minds refers to the Quinn Fabray warning label.

"Good morning, Quinn. How are you?"

She stalls a moment, and I can't help but wonder what it's for. "I'm good, I was just trying to find a song for this week."

"For glee?"

"No, for my cult." She deadpans through the phone, and my face immediately falls.

"No need for sarcasm, I was only clarifying." I roll my eyes as I speak, my smile still holding even through her own wit.

"Yeah, yeah. Have you chosen yours yet?"

"Actually….I can't seem to remember what Mr. Schue chose for this week."

"Too busy thinking of me, clearly."

My face gets red hot almost instantaneously, somehow able to see the face she's making at me over the phone. Pink hair shaggy while splayed over her bed pillow, eyes twinkling with an all-knowing glint, and mouth spread in that cocky smile that both drove me mad and made me laugh with an incredulous scoff. "Whatever makes you sleep at night."

"Ouch."

I giggle at her, still picturing her every move in my mind. It makes today easier. Makes everything that had been weighing on my chest vanish slightly. Quinn seemed to have that effect on me. She could take away every horrible feeling in the world, when at one time she used to create them.

"Could you tell me what I should be preparing for Monday?"

"A song about unity."

My face fell the moment the words were spoken, and it truly took everything in my will power not to roll my eyes at the lack of diversity in subject Mr. Schue brought to the table in his glee lessons. "I'm convinced he teaches us based on a Thesaurus kept in his pocket at all times."

Her laugh causes a small tremble to go through me, something close to electricity I supposed. At least the closest you could get without it being lethal. I'd have to add that to her warning label.

"It could be possible."

Silences falls upon our conversation, and I'm almost sure I know what it's about. I did have a slight sixth sense. Though not exactly honed properly, I could always tell when things were off. My dads' would tell me I was more empathic than psychic, but I liked to think otherwise. "So…Monday, do you think you wanna come and eat with me for lunch?" She asks tentatively, her voice painting the picture in my head of her biting her much too soft bottom lip.

As wonderful as that sounded I couldn't help but worry about the consequences. While no one actually knew about our date, I was still afraid that by sitting with her Finn would put two and two together. Or that he'd seen a little more than I thought he had that night. He'd referred to Quinn as a guy, yes, but as he left he could have seen who it really was. Or seen enough of her outline to figure it out. And with my almost impossible to manage attraction to her I couldn't be sure that I wouldn't be completely obvious to the world. "I'm not sure that would be such a good idea," my words mumble together, but by the long silence on the other end I can tell she heard me perfectly fine.

"Why?"

"I just don't think it is. Finn could catch on, or Kurt. He's been dying for me to tell him what happened between Finn and I since Finn stormed home that night and I haven't told him. If he found out, he could tell Finn and I just…I don't think that it'd be for the best if Finn knew right now."

There's a long sigh on the end and I can't help but wince slightly at it. From experience a frustrated Quinn was never someone I wanted to be around. A frustrated Quinn meant a lashing out Quinn.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah."

Crap.

"Okay." I mumble out, waiting for her to at the very least end the conversation. It came soon, her excuse being that she needed to work on her assignments and didn't want to keep me from mine. It wasn't as horrible of an end as I thought it would be, but I was not anywhere near as comfortable in the phone conversation as I once was before.

Dropping the phone to my desk, I hold my head in my hands, fingers gripping tightly through my hair. I couldn't win this battle. I couldn't please everyone and I hated it. I hated how everything this year was turning out so hard, and nearly impossible. I hated how none of it was turning out right. And it only made me worry that maybe the rest of the year would follow in the beginning's tracks. That maybe things wouldn't get better like I hoped they would.


	8. There's No Peace I've Found So Far

The next morning I'm on a hunt for Finn Hudson. This year would not go downhill, I was completely determined to make it the best year all of us could have, which meant I had to fix things with Finn. I had to fix things, and maybe even try and sit next to Quinn during lunch.

As horribly terrified as I was to have to face him, this, I was not going to be a coward. And I was not going to ruin what I found with Quinn. That was something special, something true. Just by looking into her eyes I could see how deeply she cared, and while I may or may not be screwing everything up, I was certain to ensure that all got fixed eventually.

Approaching his locker, I found myself twiddling my fingers and cleaning the underside of my nails (though they were always completely clean to begin with). A part of me felt that right now wasn't the best time to confront him, the halls were fairly crowded, school was only just about to begin, maybe right now was the worst time to speak to him. But it seemed my luck had run out, and he turned to come face me.

We stood a moment, just staring, my hand clinging to my upper bicep, Finn holding a small selection of school books and folders in his hand. His eyes don't look as sad as they once did. They look angry, still hurt, but most of it was anger. Fury possibly. Of course I understood and most likely deserved such a look, but I couldn't help but feel slightly frustrated about it all. It was unwarranted, I wasn't selfish enough to believe that, however I was stubborn enough and guilty enough to feel frustrated about it all.

Finally making a move towards him, I watch as he simply moves to walk away.

Why stand and stare if you weren't even going to speak to me?!

Now feeling more infuriated I begin to storm after him, my arms swinging by my sides. "Finn,"

He doesn't answer.

"Finn Hudson I know you can hear me."

Still no answer.

It isn't until I catch up and tug roughly at the bottom of his shirt that he actually stops and turns. "What do you want from me, Rachel?" His tone is harsher than I've ever heard before. It knocks me down a few pegs and I look to the floor almost instantly.

"I just wanted to talk about what happened. I wanted to discuss it and explain."

Though what was there to explain? I wasn't going to make excuses, I wasn't going to apologize for my actions (though now that was more through thick-headedness than anything else). "I don't care what you have to say. I don't care about what you do. You ruined this, I didn't." And again the tall boy goes to move away from me, but I'm right there, stopping his motions by latching on to his arm.

"If you would just listen for five minutes-"

He swings his arm up, flinging me off of him and into a small group of Cheerio's that shoves me forward. My footing gets lost somewhere in the commotion, and although I see his feet stutter step on the floor, I look up to watch as he walks away from me.

This time he doesn't look back.

This time I'm left to pick myself up, dust off my dress, and stare in pain as the boy turns around the corner, taking the long way to his next class. I know exactly why too, it's because my class is right next to his. He was going through extra measures to avoid me now. Why it killed me the way it did was beyond me. I was fine with breaking up with him, I was fine with choosing Quinn. I didn't love him like I thought I had, and we wanted such different things.

But how could it hurt this horribly. I didn't understand why I felt the way I did. But I had to ignore it, I had to or else it would simply consume me that day, and I had already vowed to myself to make this year the best it could be.

Let's just hope it could be a whole lot better from this.

Let's hope that I hadn't screwed everything up for everyone in just the first two weeks of our senior year. Though this wouldn't affect everyone, it would definitely bring the attitude of glee club down. The morale would lose its height and we'd be floundering at sectionals and most likely not even make it to nationals.

The thought alone haunted me most the day, so much so I had barely noticed how little I was seeing of Quinn this morning. She wasn't in the halls, and when I had gone by her locker to wait for her before third period, she never showed. I was beginning to think she had skipped school, perhaps sick. She didn't sound all that ill last night. Which meant she was avoiding me.

With a sigh I lower my head onto my desk, inwardly groaning at how severely I'd screwed up. How I was managing to be this horrible to two people I clearly cared deeply for was a mystery. If I cared so much about them how come I only ended up hurting them?

Hearing the bell ring for lunch only made me cringe. Typically I would be excited, it was a time to see the glee club outside of our actual rehearsal days, but today it meant I would be disappointing Quinn, hurting Finn, and no doubt annoying Kurt with the lack of answers I was giving him. And I don't even want to know what Santana would do with me once she found out I was the one upsetting Quinn.

Though I may have never understood their friendship, I knew better than to upset either Quinn or Brittany. Brittany being the more important of the two.

Entering the cafeteria I notice the lack of pink hair, and begin to search for blonde. Perhaps she changed it some time last night. But when I still didn't see Quinn's face, I only began to move further in, finding the table with Kurt, Mercedes, and Tina engaged in what looked like a serious discussion. One I prayed wasn't about me.

"Good afternoon," I greet, settling in the spot across from Kurt. The lack of response from him told me he was still upset over the other day. I had essentially kicked him out of my house. "How is everyone."

"Ready to murder your boy." Mercedes nearly growled, with a glare at Rachel.

"My boy?"

"Finn." Tina spoke up, her fork stabbing her tray of pasta.

Were Finn and I still an item? He hadn't been advertising anything differently it seemed, though I had assumed…"What happened?"

"He outed Santana, right in the middle of the hall. Everyone heard, not that it's really a surprise but that didn't give him any right."

The rest of Mercedes rant was lost on me, my mind buzzing with an anger I hadn't felt towards Finn since he'd lied to me to get me back in glee our sophomore year. I couldn't believe that he would hurt someone like that, I couldn't believe that he of all people, with Kurt as a brother and with my fathers would intentionally do that to a girl that was clearly struggling with it.

I quickly excused myself from the table, all but running through the halls, checking different rooms in my hunt for Finn Hudson. He was nowhere to be found it seemed though, and as I swung the door open to the choir room (I was certain this would be the last place I would find the boy hiding) I find the last person I had expected to see.

My gaze instantly relaxes as Quinn turns from the piano she had been playing, or rather toying with as she only tapped a few keys, and looks at me in confusion. "Hi."

"…Hey," My hand moves to wave awkwardly, and my eyes avert from her gaze in guilt. Okay, so maybe I was kind of an ass on the phone last night, but how did one exactly say that without losing some of their dignity?

"Were you looking for something?"

"Yes, actually," I admit, my stature becoming more firm at the memory. "Finn, have you seen him?"

She frowns instantly, though not long enough for me to think that maybe I'd imagine it. "Can't say I have." And without another word she turns back to her piano, testing the waters it seemed with the piano keys. I saw how her shoulders slumped, how lazy her fingers were, and how the air in the room turned unmistakingly glum.

"Quinn," I call stepping forward a single step, fear and utter stubbornness stopping me from saying much more.

"I'm sure he's in the cafeteria, Rachel."

"That's not…" With a small huff of a sigh, I suck up all of the humility I can and move to sit next to her on the bench. She doesn't move, and I can actually look at her for a moment. It's been a while since I'd done that, since I got to just sit and look at her without a worry in the world. "He apparently outed Santana, I was trying to find him to…well I'm not sure what exactly but…to something." My brows furrow together in thought, now actually wondering what all I could do to the football player. He was much taller than me, much stronger and well…there was nothing that my force could do to even budge his. But I could definitely give him a piece of my mind.

Turning to face the punk girl sitting beside me, I saw her face matched one I recognized all too well. The mask of sophomore year, the fake strength she put on as a way to deflect any emotion she truly felt. For a moment I consider asking what was wrong, but I knew better. I knew better than to ask what was wrong when really I knew the answer.

She was angry at me. She hated that I chose not to sit next to her because of Finn. And I knew what today looked like, I knew what all of this looked like but I really didn't have feelings for the boy. Not like I did with Quinn. Even if it was a new discovery it was one I was completely certain about.

I move to reach for her, but it only makes her pull away from me. Now standing those hazel eyes look down on me, the perfectly sculpted smirk on her lips toying with what I thought I knew and what was truly going on. "Send'm to me and the other skanks, we'll be happy to do the dirty work." She spoke with a shrug, her eyes not showing any of the playful nature her tone was trying to give off.

She looked dead, more so than I remember her looking at any moment in high school. And I couldn't figure out why.

"I think I'd rather do the dirty work myself," I sigh, standing to smooth my dress out. "Though I'm not sure what it entails, I'm positive it won't be something he'll enjoy."

"You gonna give a lecture about Wicked?"

Again I'm stuck in confusion, her punk persona shinning out over the mood she was just in not two seconds ago.

"No…"

"Huh, I figured that'd be the worst torment you could give the boy. Forcing him to actually listen to you. Lord knows he never did when you two dated." With another nonchalant shrug, Quinn sends me a thin smile and turns to walk out into the hall, leaving me behind in such a state of confusion I almost don't hear the exact boy both Quinn and I were speaking of walking just past the choir doors.

Immediately my rage is fueled again, and my eyes turn to daggers as I search him out, this time yanking his arm towards me to get his attention.

Before I can even think of anything to say my hand is already flying through the air, landing hard against his cheek.

It leaves a bright pink mark on his pale skin, and for a moment I'm proud at how shocked he looks. "How dare you! How dare you hurt someone the way you just did. Did you even think before you spoke? Did you even think about what that could do to Santana? The kinds of things she may lose because of it?"

There's a fire behind his eyes, and I move my hand up to quickly get him to stop talking before he even starts. But to my surprise he simply shoves my hand down and steps in closer to me, using his height to his advantage. "You're seriously going to be the one to slap me? After all this crap you put me through? You don't even get it, you can't even think about how this all might even be partly your fault."

"My fault?!"

"If I wasn't so pissed at you, maybe I wouldn't have snapped so easily at Santana. Maybe if you just left me the heck alone I wouldn't be lashing out at all the wrong people. Did you ever think of that?"

His voice grew louder and louder, the entire school no doubt hearing our current altercation. "Are you kidding me? So now it's my fault that you don't actually care about the people you hurt?"

"And you do?!"

His hand waves at me accusingly, and it deflates me at once. My body isn't half as stiff as it once was, and I can tell he sees how on point his words were. His eyes still glare at me, even as he turns around to leave.

The disbelief that this is my life now, that this is how my senior year is turning out reminds me of how much I hated myself at this moment.

What I'd done for glee club was only blowing up in my face, and yet I still couldn't regret it. I couldn't regret feeling what I felt that night with Quinn. I couldn't regret hearing about our future, hearing about how she even wanted a future with me. I just couldn't. But I hated what it was doing. I hated how it was ruining everything. And I hated that I couldn't do anything about it now.


	9. Raise Our Flags for the Ones We Love

**A/N: ****Originally I was going to sit here and explain Rachel's mindset and why Finn has been a center issue, but then I realized that if I had to do that then it wouldn't be me writing a story it'd be me telling you the story before you got a chance to see it yourself. So instead, I'm thanking everyone that is sticking through. My lovely reviewers, new followers, and new favorites helped me from getting too discouraged and self-conscious about the few bad reviews I did get. So again thank you a ton. Now here is what you've all been waiting for! A Little Bit of Normalcy!**

* * *

The next morning I find myself alone at my locker, twisting the combination in ignoring the sounds around me. Last night had been horrible, I had tried to text Quinn and no answer, Puck sent me a single text asking what happened, and even Tina sent me something about congratulating me on giving it to Finn. When I had read that I couldn't stop but wonder if she knew about Quinn and I. Was she referring to cheating or slapping?

For comfort I went with the latter, and did all I could to sleep.

It evaded me all night, and when I finally did fall asleep I had been so exhausted I slept through my alarm and had to skip my elliptical routine.

So to say that my morning hadn't exactly gone wonderful was an understatement. Without my routine I had been off all morning, rushing about looking for things, losing others, and forgetting to even eat my well-balanced breakfast. If the halls hadn't been bustling about today with teenagers gossip, some may have actually heard the grumbling that settled low in my stomach.

The ringing of the first bell caught most of the students attention, but it hadn't exactly caught mine. What had was the gift sitting in my locker, right on top of my AP Lit class book. The lion. The pink lion from my date with Quinn. The damn lion that changed everything.

My hand grabbed it tenderly, holding it close to me as I toyed with the faux fur atop its head. I missed that date, not only because it was the most fun I'd had on a date in my entire dating experience, but because that date made me forget almost everything. It made me forget about senior year, about college. It made everything just disappear for a while and I could just be who I was. I could be the girl that was on a date with Quinn Fabray.

Nothing more. Nothing less. Just me.

Fresh tears began to come to my eyes, torn between comfort and leaping. It was terrifying, change was always terrifying. A change that hadn't been planned was even worse. My five year plans were mostly scrapped as I had planned a future with Finn.

Now my future involved a girl with pink hair, a beautiful smile, and a heart so large I was surprised that she hadn't shown it more often.

Taking my lit book, I turned just in time to catch Quinn Fabray walking slowly behind me, hall pass in hand.

Our eyes locked for the longest time since our date. Hazel crashing over me in waves of what looked like despair. That was all it took, my caged tears spilled down my cheeks and I took quick tentative steps towards her, wrapping my arms around her neck the moment I was close enough. I wasn't sure why I was crying, I wasn't sure what made this so hard, it should be so easy. It should be so simple. Quinn made me feel more than Finn, Quinn made me feel so much more. She set my heart on fire, my stomach did flips, and my brain became a pile of mush at her words. It was the easiest decision of my life and I was too scared to just fully commit to it.

Her arms tighten around me, and I can feel her own tears hit my shoulder dampening my shirt sleeve. "You're crying," I state stupidly, pulling back to look her in the face.

She only mumbles out a 'no I'm not' before quickly wiping at her face.

With her hand in my own, I move us to the bathroom quickly gathering a wad of toilet paper to clean her cheeks of all tears. She simply looks to the floor, the smallest of sniffles echoing off the walls. "Why are you crying?" I question lightly, still dabbing under her eyes.

Her answer is a cold eye roll and a turn away from me. "You're an idiot," she speaks quietly, low as if she's almost afraid to say it out loud. But then she turns back, a new fire on her face. "You. Are. An. Idiot, Rachel Berry."

Astounded I take a single step back, waiting for more of her words to come and berate me. But they never do, instead she stands there waiting for me to say something. Her eyes are expectant and angry, and far more intense with this new punk persona surrounding her. "I…" Which part should I apologize for first? Blowing her off, worrying about Finn? Accepting the date without thinking of all the repercussions first? "Quinn, I'm…I'm sorry." My voice is weak, fighting just to speak as loud as it had.

Her scoff only makes me deteriorate even further, slinking back into myself more and more. "That's the worst part," she starts, eyes looking up towards the ceiling instead of towards me. "I don't even know what you're apologizing for. I mean, it can't be for hurting me. God no, that wouldn't be possible because you don't even think you are. So all that's left is apologizing for our date. Regretting it. Maybe you're not the idiot, maybe I am." She shakes her head, eyes now moving to look intensely at the bathroom stalls.

"You can't actually…Quinn you cannot even for a second believe that!" My voice has far more conviction than I probably deserve to feel. But she infuriates me. She's taken everything about that date and everything that's happened now and turned it all the wrong way. She ignored the promises, the future she wanted that I was so determined to make happen. The fantasy she prayed for that I too wanted. Even if I hadn't know that it was what I had wanted at the time, that didn't make me want it any less.

"How could I not?!" She shouts, now looking at me with a fury that I had only seen once before. A rage that was so powerful it brought tears to Quinn's eyes.

I take a calming breath, doing my best not to get defensive. "Quinn, I have done everything I could to make sure that everyone here is happy. I'm trying not to hurt Finn than I already have. I can't stand the fact that he saw us that night. And I am not saying I regret it because I don't. That night was possibly the greatest I've had since I've been enrolled at McKinley. I'm not sorry for my actions, only that he witnessed them before I could tell him they happened. I'm not sorry for falling for you as much as I had in that single night because you are…you're incomparable to anyone I've known. Even in reference to all of the romantic films I've watched, the musicals and dramas….you're nothing like I could have ever pictured. You're better, and knowing that I knew Finn would be devastated. Especially if he found out I had chosen you, his ex-girlfriend, over him. I may have confused the definition of love with him, but that does not make me care any less about his feelings."

Her eyes fill further with tears, mouth stiff shut as she fights them off. I can see her battle in her, I can see the hurt and anger and overall frustration at me. "Great, so you spare Finn's feelings at the expense of mine."

"No…"

"Did you really think you were the only one you were hurting here?"

"Quinn I didn't intend to hurt you, I knew I was going to hurt him and I was only trying to make it hurt less. You're right I didn't think about you and I am sorry. I never wanted to hurt you like that. I wasn't thinking….I am an idiot…" My words trail off slightly, mind racing for a way to fix this with her. Fix us before we lose our chance at anything at all. "Please…please let me try again. I'll stop being stupid, I'll put you first from now on, as I should have before. Please, Quinn…don't let me fail before I even really try."

Her eyes meet mine briefly before they dart towards the door. I had never wanted to know what she was thinking more than I did in that one moment. I needed to know what she was thinking, what she was feeling. I needed to know if I messed everything up. "What do I have to lose?" she shrugs walking forward, right past me and towards the door. "You've already stolen my heart." Her voice rings out past her shoulder, tone only slightly more lighter now than before. I smile after her, racing to chase after her. She hears my steps and turns with a small smile of her own before holding up a finger. "One rule, though," I nod in earnest, accepting to do anything for this chance. "No Barbara songs in Glee as a way to apologize, or any songs like that. I don't need Finn getting the wrong idea that he might actually still have a chance with you. I don't do well with others drooling all over mine." She winks playfully, moving to turn again and head back to class.

Mine.

The word causes more effect on me than I felt it should have. It was one simple word but to hear Quinn say it, in that low sultry voice she carried for the majority of our date. To hear that she of all people called me hers, it definitely had a profound effect. My skin grew hot heart picked up its beat. I had my dose of Quinn Fabray and was feeling the side effects at full force.

They lasted a good few hours, up until I saw a far too depressed looking Brittany sitting in her seat during History. I couldn't help but notice the empty seat next to her, the seat that typically housed a Santana Lopez.

Before the teacher entered, I moved to that seat, Brittany's blue eyes staring at me in confusion. "That's stealing,"

Now I shared her same confusion, brows knitted together even as I spoke, "I just wanted to ask where Santana was, and if she was okay."

"Why are you speaking to me? I find that my superior talent should act like a repellent."

Of course I knew Brittany never really cared for me, though I had always made the assumption it was because of Quinn and Santana's guidance, but I hadn't expected this kind of hostility. And well pure delusion if she thought she was more talented than me. "I just wanted to know if Santana was okay. You looked upset too, are you okay?"

"I have nothing to say to the girlfriend of the boy that made Santana scared and run away from everyone. We didn't even go to feed the ducks yesterday."

Sighing a frustrated beyond belief sigh, I moved away from the blonde, able to tell that I wasn't going to get anywhere if I had stayed. Today was going over like a rollercoaster. When I thought I could fix it all, I managed to become enemy number one.

By the time Glee came around I was actually kind of excited. I was going to see Quinn, and even though Finn and Brittany were going to be in the same room I couldn't find any kind of care in the world. Quinn was giving me a second chance, Quinn was letting me fix things. Unlike so many others.

However I find that this glee club meeting isn't going to be a happy one, if all of the yelling coming from inside the room said anything. Mostly Finn's voice, then Mercedes, and then Kurt's. All screaming as loud as they could nearly in each other's faces.

Taking a very cautious step in my eyes instantly find Quinn, sitting in the back corner furthest from it all and reading. How she found the concentration to do so was beyond me. "Hi," Her eyes look up to find mine, and she smiles the moment they meet. A smile that I recalled from the night at the fair. Just before the Ferris wheel. And then again while in her truck.

"Rachel,"

I shiver lightly at my own name, hearing her low rasp whisper it to me. Like it's a secret. Like she's telling me a secret, one that was meant for my ears only. One that said so much more than my name could ever mean. "New book?"

"Dracula."

"Any good-"

"If you wanna blame anyone blame Rachel! She made me do it!" Finn's voice instantly caught my attention, and I turn to find a silent glee club staring my way.

"What?"

"She cheated on me, she ruined everything, she made me do it."

Kurt's face scrunched in an angry confusion, hands raising to his chest through frustration as he waved off the cheating portion of Finn's accusations. "Just because someone cheats on you does not mean you go and out someone that's struggling with the worst possible thing to struggle with in this lowlife town!"

"Stop blaming other people for your mistakes!"

"You're being selfish and cold and…" I began to ignore them all again, turning back to Quinn and giving her my full attention.

"It's good, great actually. This is my third time reading it actually."

"And you don't get bored?" She shakes her head, places her bookmark in the page, and closes it to face me fully. "Oh, no don't let me intrude-"

"You're not." The certainty in her voice stops me cold, and I can't help but just look at her. Our eyes electric it seemed. I couldn't come up with any topic to discuss, my mind lost in her eyes. Lost in the way she's looking at me. Like she could do it all day and be perfectly content.

"Well it seems silly for you to stop reading when I can't even think of anything to say." I speak bashfully, averting my gaze briefly as I tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

"I don't mind silence." She shrugs, legs crossing over one another, hands lacing over her book on her lap.

If I could just take a picture. If I could just capture the way she's looking at me and keep it forever…I'd be the most content person on the planet. Her gaze is grounding, and yet mystifying as well. I'm sure no one could stop themselves from getting lost in this gaze.

"This club is crap!" Finn screams finally, kicking an innocent chair and then throwing a pile of Mr. Schue's sheet music from the piano. "I quit! You guys don't give two shits about anyone but yourselves!" I only knew he stormed out by the slamming of the choir room doors, still much too engulfed in Quinn to be bothered with whatever was going on.

It isn't until Mr. Schuester walks in that she finally looks away, and it's then that I finally hear what Finn said before storming out.

We lost a member. After I had just gotten us back to the appropriate number needed to compete, we lose another. My head falls in my hands at just how annoying this year was shaping up to be.


	10. Without You Things Go Hazy

**A/N: So I've officially planned out the entire fic, and it's much longer than I first anticipated. I'd also like to note (as it's been raised up in my PM inbox) that Finn is a character on the show that played a role in Rachel's life. A major role. Was he an ass? Yes. Does having him in my fic mean that Faberry will not happen? No. He is, however, going to be one of the characters that actually HELPS Faberry down the road, so if you have issues with this character, take this as a warning that he will be involved and if you despise him like some do, now would be a good time to stop reading.**

**A/N2: Also WOW to getting 100 reviews in just nine chapters. You all are amazing human beings and I love you and hugs and angels! Thank you so much for giving me your feedback and for just reading the fic in the first place. It means so very much to read each and everyone single thing all of you have to say and I love sharing this with you.**

Waking up on Wednesday was not an easy task, though this time it was due to actually getting a good nights rest as opposed to failing at finding any sleep at all. Things were coming together, albeit slowly and painfully, and life was getting just a little bit easier. The thought of getting to see Quinn again today was what managed to get myself out of bed after having put my alarm on snooze. I was not going to allow myself to be thrown off because of a bump in my morning routine. I had these things for a reason you know.

Finishing getting dressed I make my way down the steps, hearing my daddy yell at the television. The politics of this whole election getting on everyone's nerves. Burt had clearly been the greatest choice out of each of the candidates. Though with Sue Sylvester's lies and deceitfulness, I could only guess that she was the reason for daddy to be screaming in anger.

But when he mentions Santana, and atrocity, I actually fear what's on the television. Stepping in I see Quinn sitting with dad, both starring in horror at whatever it was they had just seen, and daddy pacing back and forth in front of it. "Morning," I call out questioningly. Quinn's the first to look for me, her gaze far less stern than it was just two seconds ago.

"Good morning, Rachel," she speaks evenly, eyes staring the way we do. My smile finds it home in her eyes and I move forward to place an easy peck onto her cheek. A gesture that actually makes her blush lightly.

Daddy's voice makes me jump slightly, hearing how loud it was and how much worry was in it. "Girl's, after what I've just seen, please do not go getting yourself into trouble. I don't want to see either of you in this situation. God only knows what that girl is going to be hit with now. I can't even think about it…" his words trail off as he wanders into the kitchen, dad following close behind him.

"What happened?"

Quinn sighed and pointed the remote towards the television, rewinding until I saw a picture of the Cheerios. It was an ad against Sue, one for the election. I didn't know the candidates name, but he was clearly using Lima's homophobia against the Cheering coach, and also humiliating a young girl in his attempt.

My heart actually ached for Santana, knowing full well this was exactly what she was afraid of. And then it turned to rage knowing that it was all Finn's fault. Finn who was still blaming me for his actions. "It's been airing since twelve this morning, " Quinn said, pausing the television.

"Why would anyone…"

"People are assholes." With a nonchalant shrug, Quinn stood and stretched, "Morning again, I came to take you to school." The smile she adorns is almost proud, like nothing I'd ever quite seen before. It's quite possibly one of the most adorable things I'd seen her do in some time.

The drive to school was serene, the town looked almost new, different somehow. Things had changed, and it was as if that due to this change, it affected everything in my world. Not just my personal relationships. The grass looked greener, sky bluer, and the air felt lighter.

I turned to face Quinn, her eyes on the road in concentration. A red light gives me the perfect opportunity to feel her again. To feel my lips on her milky soft skin. But before anything I take a quick breath and apologize to her, "If I've ever made you feel second to anyone…it wasn't ever my intention. And I'm truly sorry if you've ever felt that way recently. You're not second to anyone, and I'll try my best to make it up to you." I peck her cheek much like this morning, and though she smiles she still teases me on how I keep missing my target.

With a giggle I lean further and kiss her right on the lips, noticing how even a small peck leads to that electric shock in my chest. The side effects of Quinn Fabray almost multiply today. Before I'm even capable of pulling away the rest of the way, Quinn's pulling me back for another kiss, this time more intimate, our lips coming in to contact for longer. She nips lightly at my bottom lip before both of us jolt at the sound of a car horn.

The light had turned green.

It had been like that all day, Quinn and I losing ourselves in each other. First this morning at my locker, having a conversation about nothing. It was so unimportant I couldn't tell anyone what had been said. Or perhaps it wasn't the importance but the sheer fact that I did lose myself. I lost every train of thought while in her presence, her pink hair that bounced and swayed with each head shake, long laugh, or small face palm. The way her tongue would come out to lick her lips mere seconds after her eyes fell to my own pink pair that would have no issues with being kissed again.

During classes we'd plan to see each other through text message, find an empty bathroom, and just be. Sometimes we kissed, other times she let me complain about my class while toying with my hair, or the hem of my shirt. We talked about how everyone was talking about Santana and the ad, and how we wished that they'd all just shut their yaps. I mentioned how Brittany hated my guts for it, and Quinn promised to fix that. We just spoke, and felt, and were. My mind rolled through each passing as the final bell for school rang, I'd been so lost in myself that it's only when I open my locker to see the picture of Finn and I that I realize I hadn't seen him all day.

I took it as a small blessing from above, thanked the higher beings that were clearly looking out for me that day, and took the picture off of the locker, folding it, and tossing it in the nearest waistbasket.

Before I enter the choir room I see Quinn through the window in the door, smiling as I see her finally engaging with the other members. It was good to see that she'd stopped isolating herself.

Sitting next to her I was ready to ask what they were all talking so intensely about, but got my answer from just listening to the others.

"Well that douchebag canditate's daughter better run to daddy again," Quinn began, no doubt speaking for the first time in this conversation if the groups faces were any indication. "Because there's three gay cheerio's at McKinley. Well, used to be, but whatever."

Me, along with every other member in the group look at Quinn in shock, the rest because they would have never thought so, and me because I would have never thought she'd come out so early. I wasn't even aware that gay was a label for her. Though as conceited as it sounds, I had always assumed I was simply an exception, or rather a defect, in Quinn's sexuality. Never had it truly crossed my mind that she might label herself as a lesbian.

Puck mumbles his torn emotions between finding it both insulting to his manhood and too hot.

Mercedes just stares on in bewilderment.

Kurt's mouth drops in a shocked smile, but is as happy as could be that the girl came to terms with herself.

And Brittany, Brittany hasn't said much of anything this entire time. She's just sat off to the side, not too far from the group, but not exactly close enough to show she wanted to be a part of them. I wondered if it'd be smart to move to her side, try and help her feel better. It wasn't easy seeing the blonde so upset over something that I may or may not have played a part in. While Finn's accusations were completely off-base and uncalled for, I couldn't help but maybe think that I should have gone with my gut, and spoken to him after school had ended.

Catching my gaze, Quinn follows and flashes me a warm smile before moving to Brittany's side. She whispers something to her, holding her hand and nudging her shoulder lightly. The blonde smiles softly, but it's not that smile that Santana can get out of her without effort. It's a sad one, one I don't think I've ever seen on Brittany before.

After a few moments, Mr. Schue comes in, everyone finds their seats, and he begins the lesson, only stopping when Brittany stands in the middle of his monologue and sits on the other side of me (Quinn having stolen the other seat). Her arms are wrapped lazily around my neck before I can even react to her movements and she whispers a thanks. "I didn't think you'd defend Santana's honor and actually slap Finn."

Thought completely confused and utterly stunned, I nod my understanding and even mutter a 'you're welcome' before Brittany's back in her own seat, a brightness around her that hadn't been before. Quinn's snickering to my side, and though slightly perplexed I can't help but giggle lightly with her. I certainly hadn't expected that from the Cheerio.

Surprisingly, Mr. Schuester changes his direction of lessons this week, and instead of unity, he goes for acceptance. I suppose that the two aren't that far off base, however you can see that he's actually trying this time. Each of us had to write down what we were most afraid of losing, then make a list of what we thought the rest of glee was afraid of losing. As the week went on, each member would sing a song about what their fear was.

My list had been quite simple, except for one name. Quinn. What could she possibly be afraid of losing when she'd already said she had nothing left to lose? I bit my lip as I tried to peer over onto Quinn's paper. She strategically placed her Dracula book on top of all her answers, flashing me a smug look as she caught my eyes race to my own paper. Without any other answer I could think of, I simply put a question mark. Which only made me feel for the girl. She really didn't have anything to lose, she went from having it all to losing everything, how anyone recovered from that was beyond me.

"Still in there?" Her pale hand waves in front of my face, and I happily snap out of my thoughts.

"Sorry," I say shyly, gathering up my belongings to head home. "My dads are cooking lasagna tonight, vegan of course. You're welcome to come over if you like." Faintly I can see Kurt lingering by the door, eyes on Quinn and I. His curiosity is practically burning a hole through my skull. Already I can feel the slight frustration he's been bringing to me lately, wanting to know my business but not caring enough to approach it the right way. Yes he was trying to help but sometimes people wanted their own time to ask for it.

"You sure they won't mind?"

"Of course not, they make enough for me to have lunch for weeks." She chuckles lightly and stands to leave, holding her hand out for me to take. It's not intimate, but in our own bubble, it almost is. It's something we hadn't yet put a label to. Neither of us had asked the other out, and to be honest, I wasn't sure what the protocol was for a situation as this one.

With a happy nod, we exit the room, seeing Kurt scurry down the hall to catch up to Mercedes.

I can only pray they don't spread gossip about anything going on between Quinn and I. The last thing glee club needs if for Finn Hudson to go on a rampage, trying to hurt the club out of sheer stupidity and anger. After Santana, I wouldn't put much past the boy.

Seeing daddy already waiting in his dodge I wave happily and approach the car with Quinn's hand still in mine. Our fingers not laced, only cupping palms. It's odd I'm sure, most people preferred to lace fingers, but I liked the innocence of this, I liked how it matched the way we acted around others. Innocent. "Quinn's joining us for dinner." I shout to him when I felt close enough.

He nods his approval and the both of us clamber into the back seats, daddy scoffing at how he didn't exactly plan on playing taxi driver. Quinn and I smile cheekily at him, and he can only smile back. He likes Quinn, and so does dad, it's probably the only easy part about all of this. I'm now even more grateful for not giving my dads a name whenever they asked about who it was that bullied me. At the time it was because there were just too many to list off and it wouldn't have gotten anywhere, now it was because I didn't know how they'd feel about me dating one of my previous tormentors.

The aroma of the house was already one filled with deliciousness. Quinn commented on how amazing it smelled, and thanked my dads for letting her eat here. Of course she was far too proper and called them Mr. and Mr. Berry. To which they laughed and told her to call them Hiram and Leroy. "Do you want to watch something while we wait?" I ask her, taking hold of her wrist to pull her back away from the kitchen.

"Do I get to choose?"

"If you want to."

I have made many mistakes in my life, some involving Quinn, but most involving Finn and glee club. Today, however, was a constant flow of mistakes with Quinn.

The worst mistake I made wasn't giving Quinn control of the TV, it was telling her we did in fact have Netflix. Her sudden rush of cheer and that mischievous smile should have tipped me off, but I let her go on, searching through the titles and clicking on The Walking Dead. Or perhaps it was promising her to give the entire first season a chance since there were so few episodes. Either way, I wish I had never agreed to it being her choice. I wish I had never read up on biological warfare when Sam first mentioned zombie apocalypse, and most of all, I wished that I could just look away from the screen.

Sadly I couldn't, and by the time dinner was finished, I was much too grossed out to enjoy much of my meal. My parents and Quinn teasing me lightly about my weak stomach. I had called them all desensitized freaks that couldn't grasp the importance of life and the concept of how easily a bio warfare could happen. At this they laughed, and I stormed away to my room.

Quinn followed close behind, stopping me from slamming the door in her face. I really wasn't that upset, just more embarrassed than anything. "Raacheel," Quinn coos from behind me, giggling like a maniac as she tackles me from behind, her arms encasing my middle. I squeal and kick in a faux-attempt at escaping, but she doesn't let me go. "Nothing is ever going to happen to you. Not on my watch." She promises, placing me down finally to turn me to her.

"That sounds like an incredibly boring life."

"Fine, nothing _bad_ is ever going to happen to you. Better?" I smile and nod in acceptance and soon find her wandering her room. She's never been here before, there's quite a bit to see. From the yellow painted walls, to the tapestry over my bed, the in room bathroom, and the pile of NYU information spread over my desk. It was the only space that was a true mess.

To my surprise Quinn picks up the stand for my camera, the stand that now had a coat of dust over it. "You don't record yourself anymore," she noted what sounded sadly.

"No, I grew a little busy, and the most I would get on the comments was hate." I shrugged, already over that part in my life. Her face fell slightly, a frown appearing where a small smile once was. "It's fine really, I never took my other videos down-"

"I know,"

"So NYU has a small archive- what?"

"I know you haven't taken them down." Quinn answers nonchalantly, placing the stand back down where it was by the desk. "I watch them every now and then. It's like a piece of the old you."

"Old me?"

"Well, yeah, you're not as verbose as you once were. You dress differently even though it's not by much. Your attitude is different, it's not as….pushing as it once was. You've gotten a little pessimistic. It's nice to go back and see what you were before everything these past few years."

While it was true, I had changed, I didn't think the changes were all that noticeable. I assumed they were minute little things that most people would look over. Or at the very least be grateful of. Losing nationals because of a kiss, being told over and over that I wouldn't go anywhere and that I wasn't good enough; I hated it but those had definitely changed me and my outlook on my future. Though still never doubting I would be on Broadway, there were actual days I would worry about how many Tony's I'd win or how easy it would actually be. "People change. You've changed, not that I'm complaining of course. Simply stating a fact."

"Yes, but I needed to change. I was horrible, rude, angry, deprived of any real world lessons. You had everything I wish I could be. You were patient and kind; you didn't care who thought what or who said what. And if you did, you would never show it. I'm not complaining, you're more humble now, less upbeat, but I never really minded the old you. As hard as that may be to believe." She smiles sadly to herself, and finds my wall of goals that's just past my desk.

Every goal that I'd ever wanted was listed on sticky notes and placed on the wall. Those that I accomplished were taken off and kept in a small notebook as a reminder that I could accomplish anything I put my mind to. A way of proving the other kids at school wrong. "You really do have it all thought out," Quinn mumbled to me, her smile becoming more and more genuine.

"It's a little more extravagant than most people have, but I'm sure you have something similar."

Quinn shook her head, reading each goal on my wall. "No, I don't really know what I'm doing after high school. I used to but…I don't know. If high school has kicked my ass this hard then what is college going to do?"

My world stopped, like most days do where Quinn Fabray is involved. But this time is for a different reason. This time is because Quinn doesn't have a plan. Quinn doesn't know where she's headed, she didn't seem to really be looking for one either. And the thought of having to move to New York and leave her behind. Leave everything we're fighting so hard for behind…it's unbearable. It'd be worse than never meeting the blonde in the first place. She couldn't not have a plan. She had to have at least an idea, but upon my asking she answers with an easy no. And I'm left to panic not only about my own future, but Quinn's as well.


	11. What Might Have Been Lost

I had experienced heartbreak before. I had felt the pain of my heart crumbling to pieces and of my chest caving inwards at my hearts absence. But never had I felt my world crash around me. As if everything was tumbling down and all I could do was watch. Stand, watch, and not be able to do one single thing about what was going on.

Never have I felt like I had lost everything before I had even acquired it. Before I was even given a chance. Before I could even try. And I was certain that Kurt felt the same as he sat beside me, both of us staring at Ms. Pilsbury in shock and utter despair. "What…?" He whispers, the pain killing his voice to just above a whisper. It was a mistake, one silly piece of information that both Kurt and I overlooked upon grazing through colleges for our talent. One piece that was oh so crucial to our future. All I had hoped for was with NYU, every ounce of hard work had gone to that college and it's music program.

It was currently being thrown away and stomped on.

NYU doesn't have a musical theatre program.

It has nothing to do with my bright future and I was now once again years behind looking at another college. I wasn't prepared. The one thing I prided myself on being the entire high school career was prepared. I knew each step I was going to take five steps before I was going to take it. I was not one to be stuck in a rut because I knew everything. I knew what I wanted. But now…now I no longer knew where I was going in life. Over my college goals was a giant question mark.

Exiting the office I felt every inch of my body quiver, lost in the lack of guidance. Kurt's figure breezed past me, I only caught a glimpse of him racing off with a hand clasped over his mouth. He was devastated, and if shock hadn't consumed me, I'd be the same. I'd be falling over, curling in a ball, and forced to admit to everyone they were right. I was talented, but I simply wasn't good enough. I wasn't enough.

My stunned corpse made its way to my locker, wishing I could hide inside it for the remainder of the year. As foolish and childish as it sounded, it was all I could really think to do. Just last night I had panicked about Quinn and her future. Now I was there, without direction. Without a plan.

Tears began to burn their way to my ducts, threatening to fall harder than I'd ever cried at school. Even after doing all I could to prove everyone in this town wrong, even after taking every blow thrown my way, they were all right.

I wasn't good enough.

Pulling out my books, I have half the heart to toss my '5 Year Plan' binder in the trash. It was only a second copy, and with Quinn throwing me off already, it really seemed pointless.

Someone stops me though, clearing their throat softly to gain my attention. My mood only declines at the sight of Finn, his hands tucked deeply in his front pockets, eyes finding the ground. "Kurt just told me. I thought maybe…" his words trail off and ended with a small shrug, his entire demeanor different from what I'd grown so accustomed to.

"If you're here I an attempt to cheer me up then please save your breath. I brought this on myself, mostly for being foolish and not putting the amount of research I should have in this school." Closing my locker (along with my eyes) I step away from the tall boy, making my way down the hall as I fight off tears. I didn't want him to see me cry, I didn't want him to see me vulnerable. I wanted Quinn. Dear God if I could just have Quinn appear now. "If you still find it necessary to comfort someone I suggest you find Kurt, he's probably worse than me at the moment."

"But I'm worried about you."

My body freezes in sheer annoyance and anger, all at myself however it was lashing out in his direction. "You, you who blamed me for your actions against Santana. You who lied about your virginity, who has time and time again failed to defend me even when you knew it was the right thing to do. You are going to stand here and look me in the eye and tell me you're worried about me?" My voice rose with each accusation, and before he even has a chance to respond I'm turning on my heal and storming towards my next class.

My eyes stayed peeled for Quinn, chest tightening to fight the sobs I so desperately wanted to spill. I was losing everything, losing her just wasn't an option. It wasn't even fathomable, not after how whole she made my world.

The rational part of me knew Finn hadn't deserved the onslaught of words I'd thrown at him, but the part of me consumed in anger at myself made it near impossible to see that. It only made me see all he'd done wrong, everything he did that hurt me, everything that held me back and made me fall. It was all infuriating me and my classes weren't helping me much at all.

During each class I found myself looking to each student, remembering a remark they had made, a prank they had pulled, and I was unable to stop myself from thinking it were true, and that those pranks had a rightful place with me. I was shaping up to be a Lima Loser that swore she never would be. I couldn't stop berating myself for not being absolutely thorough. What would I tell my dads'? Or Quinn when I actually found her? I only wanted to find her to cry and not feel so alone. I wanted to be comforted by her without her having to know. Because if she heard how stupid I had been, if she heard that I had failed the way I had…I couldn't imagine what she'd say. I couldn't think about her reaction because I simply couldn't know what it was. Not this year, with such a different attitude. God, how was I going to explain the failure? Granted it wasn't true failure. It wasn't as if I'd been declined but to not have a musical theater program, for me to not focus on Broadway and Broadway alone?

Impossible.

Even just heading to glee felt like torment, a reminder of all that I'd lose. It was doubtful that NYU would approve of the number of showtunes I had in my arsenal. Not to mention they would not at all help advance my stage presence, stage dancing, or any of the key elements needed to be a phenomenal performer.

With a heavy sigh I sank in my seat all but too aware of how empty the room felt now. How cold it was. Finn was gone, ridding the club of a great male vocal lead. Santana had vanished, and well morale was probably worse than before.

My head fell to my hands, a long breath leaving my lips as I tried to settle my emotions. It was a twister of far too many things at once. Anger, depression, and need. Need for Quinn's grounding eyes, her healing touch. I hadn't ever needed Finn like this, never craved his touch this way before. And when I see not her but Kurt walk through the doors, face unchanged from the expression he held since leaving Ms. Pilsbury's office, I only feel worse. We share a common pain that neither of us can actually share. Both of us too stubborn for our own good. I could tell he wanted to get over this idiotic dance of arguing over nothing. I wanted the same, but he clearly wanted me to speak first, and I simply didn't have anything to say. When he apologized, then I'd speak, until then I'd sulk alone, waiting for my knight to walk in the doors.

Next to show are Mike and Mercedes, then Tina, Artie, and then Brittany. Behind her was Santana, her face stone cold without any expression, but Brittany held a smile that the club hadn't seen since Finn had outed the girl she was undoubtedly head over heels for. Despite everything they'd gone through together. My eyes stared to the door, listening slightly to the others greet Santana back. I noticed that her figure was beginning to loosen up, finding that no one here hated her or judged her.

When a blonde bob of hair comes into the room, I can't help but feel my heart flutter instantly. My body reacting before she even touches me. Her eyes find Santana first, then land on Kurt's sad smile, and finally find my own. Finally I can breathe. Finally I can just pull her to me and cry. As inappropriate as it may be considering Santana's current issues, I couldn't help but focus on everything I had learned today. On how it all blew away with the words of Ms. Pilsbury.

Her expression turns to worry within seconds, and her steps that were clearly headed towards Santana were moving my way. She chose me over her best friend. She chose me over everything else. And that's all it takes to finally get me to break. The moment she's sitting my hands grab her shirt and I pull her as close into me as I can possibly manage. Her scent filling me with a small sense of calm. It was so simple, such a small action but it made a world of difference. Just feeling her there, feeling the pieces click together and getting that sense of being whole again.

"What's wrong?" She whispers to me, her hand on my back rubbing small soft circles on it.

The inner battle that erupts in me is almost instant. Not sure what to tell her or if I even should at this point. "Ms. Pilsbury," I sigh out. "She told Kurt and I about NYU. Something I should have known long before she told us in the first place," the first set of tears begin to trail down my cheeks and she's right there to wipe them away. "NYU offers a lot, but it apparently does not have a musical theater program. That's the only school I've worked for, it's the one place I counted on and I didn't even think to triple check all of the details." My voice becomes more and more shrill even in our quiet corner bubble. It's much like the bubble at the beach, just us and the rest of the world has vanished. Everyone else has dropped off the face of the Earth. It's just us, and the comfort I find in that alone amazes me. Just by looking to those hazel eyes I can tell it amazes her as well, the gaze we share isn't one of despair but of understanding. Understanding that from this point on, we needed each other. There wouldn't be any going back to the way things were. It was all in or nothing. And I wasn't sure I'd survive if this ended in nothing.

"That doesn't mean anything, Rachel," She whispers to me, placing a discreet peck to my temple. "All that means is that you have a plan B before you have your plan A. If I know you, you won't stop until you've found your perfect college. You're a star, and you will never stop shining, no matter what the universe throws at you."

Her words are hypnotic, and I find myself actually believing them over all of the doubt that had filled my heart this entire day. The anger vanished long before now, but I had only just noticed.

With a long shaky sigh, I find myself leaning in to her, and she gladly accepts this position, shifting slightly to make us both more comfortable. We're given looks, but most people see my tears and don't say much on it. Kurt looks to me curiously though, and if he'd just apologize I might actually explain it all to him now. But he hadn't, and I wouldn't be the first to approach him.

And as far as the actual Glee lesson, I couldn't tell anyone what was being taught, too caught up in Quinn's heartbeat. In her breathing and scent as well. I was mesmerized as her fingers toyed with the tips of my fingers. This could only be described as heaven. As my own personal paradise. Couldn't I just stay here forever, lost in Quinn so deeply as I was?

Faintly I can hear that things at home are stiff but overall okay with Santana, which was good, great actually, though there was something about the way her smile didn't quite reach her eyes that worried me. Santana was wonderful at dodging emotions, but I doubted that she could hide how hurt she'd be if ever rejected by her family.

As Glee Club began to pack up, Quinn whispers to me that she'll be back in a moment, and it's now that I notice Santana is the only one left in the room with Quinn and I. I can't hear their words but I can see Santana's defensive eyes look harshly to Quinn's. Against my better judgment, I move to step in closer to the two, only catching the tail end of Quinn's sentence. "…It sucked, to have all these friends that were supposed to be there for you, abandon you out of nowhere. It hurt like hell to see you go off and play perfect when you saw me fall from the crown. But I understood why, I was horrible. I treated you and everyone else like complete shit, and if I did the same to you that you've done to me, after all of the good you're tried this year, I'd never forgive myself. So…" Quinn continued, turning to make sure I was still in the room. Her smile upon seeing me caused butterflies, but her finishing sentence sank my heart. "If you'd like it, you're welcome to stay at my place until things cool off."


	12. One Dream Comes True, Another Desperate

**A/N: So I made a mistkae in the last Chapter due to laziness, it was pointed out to me by a reviewer and I'm completely embarrassed lol but because I failed to remember/do research I mistook Rachel wanting to go to Julliard in the show and put NYU. What I did mean was Julliard! And now on to the next chapter. I am sorry for it taking so long, I just didn't have it prepared! Enjoy!**

* * *

She was in a bikini, she was in a bikini and I had done…things to her. Kissed her in places I didn't even know I wanted to kiss. Her eyes were so bright, I could actually count how many specs of green she had in them. And her skin…so smooth, so welcoming. And those lips…My mind was under seize by Quinn Fabray and my all but too realistic dream. All morning, even after my very long cold shower, I had been fighting to ignore a very annoying heat. One that only grew when I see her leaning against my locker, smiling brightly and chewing on a piece of gum.

God, those lips. Those lips had been on me as well. Those lips were deliciously good. "Hey, Space Cadet, you in there?" She asks waving her hand in front of me. Her very, very talented hand.

I have to shake my head in order to get the thoughts removed from my mind, praying that I shook hard enough to actually remove those thoughts from my mind. "Yes, sorry, weird dream." I explain, smiling to her as I open my locker. I can't help but notice how close she is, how she somehow manages to smile even wider than before. It's beautiful, she's beautiful and all I want to do is ask someone if I've gone crazy. I feel like I have, I feel like I've gone insane with how much of myself I've put into Quinn. I feel insane for how deeply I've fallen for a girl that I was so certain hated me for years.

"Yeah? What happened in it?"

A blush races to my neck, encroaching on my cheeks and finally reaches them fully. The heat in my face apparently a dead giveaway for her as I see her own blush creep up (though not as drastically as mine) and her eyes flutter down to the floor. It's a look I haven't seen her do since Sophomore year of high school, when everything was insane and she only looked at Finn that way.

Now, she was looking at me like that, now I caused those fluttering eye lashes, that small shade of pink on her cheeks, and that gaze she does through her lashes. I do that.

Quinn Fabray looks at _me_ like that. And I could simply die.

"Oh," She says simply, finding the strength to somehow look me in the eye. And when she does, I find her eyes having grown a shade darker, much like they did in my dream. "I've had those before."

Her voice is only a whisper, and yet I'm so embarrassed that she knows what I've dreamt that I can't help but turn to face my locker fully again. As if the whole world just heard what she had said.

And then something odd happens, something I hadn't quite expected. A hint of jealousy bubbles up, a small dose of feelings I can't quite explain. Possibly my more possessive side shining through, and at the worst moment ever considering the conversation, "Who were yours with?" I ask much too suddenly and probably a little bit too loud.

However, before she seems ready to respond I feel a tap at my shoulder, and then Noah's voice comes ringing to my ears.

I may kill the boy.

"Hey, Rach, I kinda was hoping to talk to you." His voice is almost timid, and I don't have to guess for long when I see Quinn's scowl glaring down at him. With a roll of my eyes I turn to face him, partly annoyed with his interruption, and partly in exasperation or Quinn's behavior.

"Yes, Noah, what's wrong?"

"We need another member, a dude member."

The school bell rings for first period, and I quickly turn to face Quinn, entirely upset about not being able to spend our morning together. Just the two of us. But she's right there, sending me a sympathetic smile as she begins to walk closer to me, leaning her head in as close to my ear as she possibly can. "They're always about you."

Before I know it, the girl that had brought that very annoying heat back into my dress is rushing off to class; leaving me and Noah Puckerman standing in the halls.

With a frustrated sigh, I turn back to him, seeing his face contort into confusion. "Yes, we do need a new member, but what do you propose? No one here is going to join, they all hate us, and I do not plan on going to Finn and groveling for him to come back after all he's done."

With a growing smirk, Puck says one name, "Sam." And holds his fist out for me to…well I'm not sure what the etiquette is for such a gesture. So I simply place my hand on top, nod, and begin moving to my class, hearing Puck shout to me about how I did it wrong. Not that I'm too worried about it, what I'm worried most about is my dream, getting alone time with Quinn, and the teasing text messages she won't stop sending me. All of them asking to know about my dream. In detail. The question was, do I cave, or do I keep up my record of no texting in class? I opt for both, wiping out my phone to reply to her with a simple text in hopes of the buzzing to cease.

Rachel:  
Quinn, I know you're aware that I am currently in class and can't reply to any texts at the moment. Especially ones about this. I am more than happy meeting you in a bathroom though, or waiting to see you in between classes.

Quinn:  
Can't go to the bathroom, I've used up all the allotted passes in this class seeing some girl that I can't ever seem to stop thinking about.

Quinn:  
And waiting for class to end is too long. Just hide your phone, Mr. Deleary doesn't ever really care about them.

Rachel:  
You're far more stubborn that I've given you credit for.

Quinn:  
Don't change the subject, where were we in your dream?

Quinn:  
Hello? Are you ignoring me?

Rachel:  
I'm not at all comfortable with this…but the beach.

Quinn:  
We were having sex on the beach? That sounds….messy.

Rachel:  
Not sex.

Quinn:  
I thought you said…wait what kind of dream did you have?

Rachel:  
I mean, it was sex, yes, but it's not….

Rachel:  
When I think about those sorts of actions with you I don't consider it sex, it's more than sex. I blame Noah for ruining a perfectly good word for me. Sex just isn't the right…it doesn't have the same connotation to it that it once did. It's not enough to really give away what that would be with you.

Quinn:  
So we were 'making love' in your dream.

Rachel:  
Yes, that is a far much better word for what we were doing.

Quinn:  
You're incredibly sweet.

Rachel:  
For having a sex dream about you?

Quinn:  
No, for having a making love dream about me.

Quinn:  
Rachel?

Quinn:  
Rach? Did I say something wrong?

Rachel:  
No, I couldn't think of anything to reply with. Thank you seemed a bit too…well the word tacky comes to mind.

Quinn:  
I have a surprise for you.

Rachel:  
….is it referring to our previous conversation?

Quinn:  
What? Which one?

Rachel:  
The one in this series of messages.

Quinn:  
Oh! No…

Quinn:  
Did you want it to be?

Quinn:  
I think we need to have a talk about it before…I mean I know that it's an important thing and just because I threw it away doesn't mean that others should too. It should be special. Big. Amazing. It should be everything you imagined it to be, so we'd have to have a really long talk before anything.

Rachel:  
No! No I just…it was in the conversation before so I assumed…but clearly it's not and now I know that so you should tell me what you were originally going to say so we can pretend that none of this ever happened.

Quinn:  
But is it something you're thinking about? Since you had the dream?

Rachel:  
Quinn, can we please not dwell on my very embarrassing fluke in words?

Quinn:  
It's important. I really want to know if it's been something you've wanted to…well bring up or anything.

Rachel:  
I will admit, the actions do come to mind at times, but not to the point where I feel the topic should be broached, especially not at school. They only come to mind when I'm around you, and even then the actions are quite innocent, nothing like my dream last night.

Rachel:  
Which was the first dream like that I'd had about you.

Quinn:  
Okay.

Rachel:  
Did I say something wrong?

Rachel:  
Quinn?

Quinn:  
No, Rachel, you've said everything right. See you in a few minutes?

What? My eyes avert to the clock to see there are only two minutes left in class. Meaning I hadn't taken any notes. Meaning I had missed an entire days work of notes. Meaning that I may fail the next test given out. Quinn Fabray will be getting a piece of my mind when I see her, and not the conversation she wants to get.

But before I can find her in the halls, Puck finds me, looping our arms as he turns me to take a walk with him. "Excuse me, Noah, I was on my way to do something."

"I just need five minutes of your time, Rach."

With a huff, I accept, but look around to try and find that blonde bob of hair bouncing in the halls. It's nowhere to be seen.

"We need to find Sam,"

"Yes, so you go do research and I will go and continue to do my classes." I try to escape his grasp but he keeps me close, not letting me go for the life of him.

"I already found out where he is, but I can't go there alone."

"Why not? I am more than positive you are capable of such things, now if you'll excuse me-"

"He works at a dude strip club. One for the ladies to go to. I can't go in there…it'd look too-"

"Gay?"

He simply shrugs with a nod, and continues to walk me to some undisclosed area. "If I agree to go with you after glee club, will you please let me go?"

"Sure, just let me know when we're leaving!" His eyes brighten up, and that cocky smile shines right on through the almost shy one he'd had on before. But I don't pay it much attention, instead telling him right after school is fine with me and rush off to find Quinn. I'm finding it harder and harder to not be by her side, and after this past dream and the information she had just disclosed with me, I'm finding myself wanting to know more. Hungry to know more. To know how, when, where, and why her dreams happened. How long had they been going on? How many were there? Everything. I simply wanted to know it all.

But as I listen to the bell ring once again, I know my chances at seeing her are gone, and I've lost all hope until Glee, and even then I can't lose myself in her after. Not after my rash agreement with Noah.

The day was no doubt going to be long, but I was not going to let myself get brought down over some silly distance issue I was having with a girl that I only just started…well dating couldn't be the correct term. Dating was too…serious, too much of a permanent word for us. We were simply flirting with the idea of dating. No actual move to make anything more out of what they had. I wasn't sure if it was maddening or calming at how slow we were moving.

Either way, as the day trudged on and Quinn and I struggled more and more to see each other in classes (and only getting a few minutes in between) I could tell that we both were getting frustrated. We hadn't had that one on one time together that we needed to have. There was a talk that clearly needed to be told but we both had to build our way up to it. Too serious too soon would ruin what we had, I knew that, and I was positive Quinn did as well. That or she was fearful of it, which was why it needed to be built up to in the first place.

With a heavy sigh I enter glee, seeing that Tina, Quinn, and Mercedes had already arrived. Kurt squeezed right past me, waving to Mercedes and I stupidly stood at the entrance. Relief flooded through me at just the sight of her, just seeing her sitting in her seat, eyes glued to a book as if she'd been sitting there for hours. I was certain Quinn could find a sliver of peace anywhere she went so long as she brought the right book.

When I finally sit next to her, I notice that it's not a book she has in her lap, but pamphlets. Print-Outs as well, and under all the small piles of paper was a college catalog, the name NYADA printed on top. It brought a jolt of happiness to me, seeing Quinn plan for her future, now if only I could prepare for mine. If only I hadn't waited until it was much too late. "Evening, Quinn." I say almost sadly, finally grabbing the blonde's attention.

Her head whips to me, and I can't help but soften my gaze from one of depression to one of contentment. "Hey you, I have a surprise for you." Her bright smile is infectious and I can't help but smile with her upon seeing it. Bad mood be damned, Quinn Fabray was smiling at me and that made this a dang good day.

"What is it?"

She closes the manila folder full of information and hands it to me, scribbled on the front are small notes about costs, the different types of programs, and in the corner I catch some of her doodling, a heart with my initials in it. I can't stop the giggle that comes, it's very middle school of her. "Open it, read everything in there. It's perfect, and it's your plan A you didn't even know you had."

With her near bouncing figure near me, I look at the folder in confusion, opening the first flap before reading the catalog inside. 'NYADA Course Catalog' is printed in big bold letters on front, and the photos around it show more than enough pictures for me to grasp what all of this is. It's a college, a performing arts college. And as my eyes scan over everything I notice it's in New York, it's placed right where my heart lives and I can't help but want to jump the blonde at that very moment. "Quinn…"

"That's all I could find on such short notice, my mom nearly killed me when she saw how much paper I was using to print everything out, but it's paper so we can just recycle it when you're done." Her shoulders shrug and she smiles at me expectantly. And I…I simply can't breathe with how painfully thoughtful this is. I can't even begin to tell her how deeply this means to me, how perfect the gift is and how much I loved her in that moment. It's a word I haven't broached just yet, mostly because I'm terrified of it being a word I've jumped to far too quickly. I'm afraid that it's my overdramatic side growing insane with how easily she's swept me off my feet. And if it is, I don't want to say it. I don't want to say anything close to it until I know I mean it.

Mr. Schuester stops us from having any kind of conversation after that, coming in and going on about getting a new member. From behind me I feel Puck nudge my chair, no doubt excited for our little secret ops mission. Really it sounded exciting, minus the whole strip club portion of it all. But if you took that away, I was going on a small road trip for a day.

When Glee ended, Quinn and I both hesitated to leave. Neither one wanting to really go. Despite my pleading Quinn continued to refuse, and I know it was a good reason, her mother wanting bonding time was a wonderful step for the two of them. I just wished that I could share a road trip with her and not solely Noah. But with a promise of me having fun, and a reassurance of no funny business since Quinn had apparently already approached the boy, she places a chaste kiss to my forehead, one that was simply not anywhere near enough.

My hands are quick to move to her cheeks, pulling her face down and closer so I can kiss her. Actually kiss her. A kind of kiss we hadn't shared since our first date. A kind of kiss that simply knocks all air out of my lungs. The feeling of her lips against mine are still indescribable, the way she hums into the kiss, the way her hands fall to my hips, and the way my mind goes blank each time; it's all almost too much. It's all just perfection. But it's a shame really, being lost so much in someone, being completely indulged in one human being. If I hadn't maybe I'd have caught the peeping eyes from the glee club windows. Maybe I'd have been able to stop the chaos that would soon interfere with Quinn and I's perfect bubble.


End file.
